I still buy cigs., as tomorrow is Sunday, if the shop is closed I would have to buy $14 cigs. if tomorrow at other shop, then I just save $1 by buying cigs. today.
I don't know how to be peaceful like a Psychic or Wali Allah, my mother have friends etc. to talk to everyday she's really entertained in life, I have nothing in life, if my parents gave me money I could have gone out and search for (S) but I imagine $3 to destination and $3 back, it's $6 for 2 journey, it's a waste of money, $6 I can buy a chicken chop with tomato rice. Not knowing her location is really bad, not having the $10K now is also bad, I'm just having to wait for stories that seems real about my friend giving me money, as to hope on that because of pity due to schizophrenia I would guess it like that, it's weird I really don't believe in black magic is why.
I wonder when people around me will start reminding my memories stuff because I live like never talked to anyone still, but they're all the same also like nothing to talk, I really want to talk about business, I really want to earn money, or investing into ideas, I really wonder how to earn money. Today I saw the Cleaner buying beer during working hours, they seem free and happy pleasure and even can afford to smoke while working as a cleaner, working is the point that I need to do to have what I want. It's really hard seeing tough jobs living freely while me having no work can't live like that, I really miss my life and want people to make me remember stuff but I just don't know who will talk to me like that, it's really a lot of pressure having little money and really tempting to apply dishwasher jobs, but I really plan to work at Popeyes because of listening to (S) in m.r.t to just follow the jobclub given jobs because they know I'm capable to work where they give, it's really hard and slow but I have to swallow the number of days like this, I really feel helpless and hopeless. I also hate being a smoker as waste of money even if I calculated it's around the same number of days spending on normal food, but if save from buying food I can still be having money, cigs. is like a need in life so it becomes difficult to save. Imagining the cleaner smoking, makes me think all I need is just a job to be stable. I remember doctor saying the cleaner will become Wali Allah, or it's the Wali Allah that says that but why the talk of Psychic and Wali Allah is not around for so long? I really don't know any more stories?
I feel like walking around at Causeway Point just now, still tempting to try work as Dishwasher I saw one at City Hall for $11/hr, looks like nice if I can work, I really want a full time job that's all.
I wonder why it's taking so long to get into Popeyes, the longest I imagine is April and it's bad if that long, means growth of money really is low and slow, but I read a quote that sounds like climbing slowly is better than nothing, I forgot what it says but the image is a ladder, hahaha. I really hope I grow to become a better man.
I want to be stable by 40 years old earning money that's a lot, I remember I will start saving at 38-41 years old but then it sounds like I will start working at Popeyes in June and it's bad and long time to go, I really don't want it to be so long, I'm so bored at home, I really feel like applying myself at there because of the waiting time, or just really dishwasher job could really be something nice. I feel like messaging my O.T on Monday to ask about jobs, but I wonder if I should ask her to be faster and get me dishwasher jobs as she said it's easy to find. I think Popeyes is most stable though, I wonder how I will meet (S) at Jollibee 1 day eating together is it true like story of doctor in M.R.T? That's what doctor said, even before Jollibee exist in Singapore, it's really cool like doctor said of Popeyes before it exist in Singapore because it's only 3 years old in Singapore. I hope I can know better answers like how to get an easy life, but doctor really said of working at JOD, a daily paid kind of job, I really don't know what I should do, I really feel like a suffering in my life if money finishes, I really need to do something.
Just now someone contacted me about cleaner job, but I don't work cleaner so I ignored, about their daily paid job, it's really harsh my life I can't even be fit like a girl, it's maybe catatonia causing the bad movement feelings in my body, then nobody can help about it.
It's already February and I still do not receive any information about money from Bik Minah, Mak Ni, Bik Ijah and even my nenek I remember she wanted to give me $2000 1 day, last year I think, then I wonder when is the money happening. I remember my nenek told me she caring me like a mother instead of nenek, means actually I will somehow survive I think, but I wonder how.
It's really tough waiting and feeling the stress, I really wonder when my life will be helped and be given ease in my mind thinking of money shortages.
Just now my mother talk about me working at Jobclub to Mak Yam I think then my mother still didn't talk of giving me money, I wonder why it's so long like that, she should just let me survive because life's hard if like this, like buying me games in life when I was a kid, they actually just truly given me transport topup and that's all not caring if I want to buy drinks after jobs even, means go to work and go home without buying anything. It's really harsh the treatment like causing me to become a crazy person but they're really doing it. It causes me to think of evil matter like why they become so heartless like why doctor see this as fine instead? They're not really being helpful to my life and medicine is common sense, not really counted as a help I guess. It's really bad nobody talks to them about money at all and letting me live as a poor person been over 16 years long.
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