My Ex (A) is a Mdm already means she's already married and have touched other guys. She really work at Primary School like story of doctor, this is not matching too as doctor said that I will marry 4 girls. Maybe doctor said "if you will marry 4" in whisper before his sentence, this means that I should forget about (W) too, this also means that (S) have no feelings about me? This also means that I should just apply for dishwasher job instead of hoping for (S) to appear in my life because it's been over 10 years? I'm really applying for a dishwasher job then I guess, a permanent full time type, I really got nothing to do, I just worry about the safety boots. Means the "susah senang bersama" was just my imagination, or a dream, means a lot of dreams maybe happened then it's like I won't get so much money and it maybe means I actually don't have adopted family members too, I think this also means that I will buy RG477V myself?
Wow it's really the end of my story of life since long time ago, the small girl successfully made me think bad of (A) then we broke up, what an idiot decision, means doctors story don't match and I won't be contacting (A) again as she looks married - "Mdm".
This means the story of forum and imagining families keeping in touch with each other through it was just a dream too.
Finally it's like a waking up, the end finally happened and she's married means have touched or sex with other guys, I really don't think I will want to marry (A) and all my writings been 1 sided anyway, I'm the one imagining or in the dream before. I think people are being quiet because I'm secretly crazy then I can't do anything about it. I wonder why my family pretend like taking O-level is fine then, it's weird, if a crazy person they just want to cure by taking medications daily, then why I dreamt of alot of ease in my life. Maybe nobody treated me as a family member too as it's a dream? Only (S) knows a lot more about me while I don't remember which is real and which is a dream. Too bad someone that know a lot about me don't allow me to verify anything and can't keep in touch with her. It's quite lucky too that (A) is a Mdm and I don't write I love her. I wonder if (S) is Mdm secretly too? The world finally imagined as I won't get married in the end. (W) maybe is a marriage photo as fact too, means other men have touched her before then I don't feel at loss somehow, because she didn't commit to hold on. Means the "susah senang bersama" was not true and was just a dream. I still want to hold on to my goals in life like having a domain name 1 day, to be maintaining myself as the best about computers in my family. I think I've been "diperbudak-budakkan" due to my insanity, then doctors just speak what's nice to hear, now I don't care about chicken chop tomato rice anymore and decided to just live my life by working properly. Means I shouldn't care about future babies as it means I have been dreaming alot and it's not real at all. There must be a reason why (S) is ignoring me, it just means she don't like me and I havent realized it because of schizophrenia.
No comments:
Post a Comment