Soon 3rd Month 2026

I've calculated my money again I will be having $800 left after buying RG477V once I get my $144, haha, I'm happy that only console that's causing me alot of money, I cancelled the posters because they seem not sending me at all, the order is not moving. I wonder how long I will feel the dullness but just now I became happy I'm working tomorrow so I'm excited that I'm still earning money, even if it's really just brooming dried leaves, wiping tables and chairs, mopping floor, I feel it is worth it. Right now I'm feeling like an earthquake in my head, I really can't do anything about it but I feel like spending like Hisyammuddin on Quit Smoking Inhalers. He's the most experienced in phases of a schizophrenic feelings and passed and successful in life, he's a good example to follow if taking medicines. I'm so unlucky so late in life, he's years ahead of me I think, I feel like I should be working like him driving M.R.T and a stable job, I wonder if I can do it, it's really not my type of work to do because I usually have stomach ache problems means I really can't follow him always the same. It's like my plan to take motorbike license but he already got a driving license, I thought he's most childish cousin but he's way stronger than that, I feel like I'm the most childish in family instead.

It's weird thinking of 5hrs+ to go until buka puasa then tomorrow working again, time really flies and Ramadan really feels hard, I hope I get support from my family like suddenly having a lump sum amount of money but it's only happening at 38 years old I think, now is really not the time yet I guess they calculated my life to be like this instead, I wonder why I can't remove the worry about money yet.

Now is Sunday then I can't search for (S) too, I really don't know which part of C.C.K she lives in except a playground at her house area I think, it's really harsh she just let me know just like that but not exactly where she is, I feel lonely my life without soulmate whose highly achieving in life. I'm having a hard feelings in my heart and I think it's schizophrenia making it like thuds, I wonder what is it too, maybe it's a feeling of quitting cigarette? I hope so.

I wonder who to tell my problems to, doctors don't talk to me normally and tomorrow I will meet him after my jobclub and go for an injection, it will be quick and then I will wait for March for injection, it's really hard to need to do this monthly but I have to, I don't know why people don't pity me, maybe it's like what Hisyammuddin felt like nobody cares about him, I really need strength to become a better person like him, I'm still stuck in my childish self depending on someone to live my life normally.

I hope I puasa tomorrow, then maybe it's a lighter job at jobclub maybe, it's really hard to keep working during Ramadan and imagining the dried leaves to sweep to pile them up then throw in black plastic. I wish someone in touch with me like reminding me when's money coming into my life, but everyone is busy and maybe worried about their money will be asked from me, just bad the small girl really confused me with true information about money with her type of information.

If March im really getting a job, April or May will be the month I take motorbike license and I hope I can pass in 3 months like everyone does, maybe I should become a delivery rider but I still don't know places or road to ride like that. If Gojek exist in Singapore it would be nice like just following G.P.S haha. I'm planning to ride to Esplanade as usual the only spot for comfort in life, the rest is just like wasting money in the end but I really have to go out and see places, it's been so long I'm at home, I wonder how my nenek gemok feels like always at home it's really tough, but they somehow happy or at peace, everyday is a stretch to feel dull unless have games, but maybe nenek gemok cooks is why she don't mind her life always at home.

My brother gave me a grey baju raya to wear, then it makes me think of just going to follow them to house of nenek gemok at Choa Chu Kang, will be closer to (S) every raya unless she goes out to her grandparents' house, I really feel like my grandma really tried to get her for me before at her workplace, then I really wonder how is it, it's really so long to get married and I just want to secure the marriage first to secure of getting her but I can't get reactions from her that will comfort me, she really don't care that I have no money and living so difficult in life? Now is different I have temporary money to last me until August and hopefully my jobclub's salary support me that long too.