Still confused but believable

It's still believable that I will recover at 38 years old, today the voices I hear is lesser, then maybe the small girl made me believe that doctor would buy me an RG477V, I wonder why it's like that and doctor didnt remind me too but how come "RG477V" is the spoken thing in the voices that I hear? Means doctors really ever spoken of this console before in M.R.T maybe when I was around 21 years old.

I really hope I recover at 38 years old, this coming June, my next meeting with doctor is in May then I hope they change medicine by then into Risperidone, but when I think again, now is only going to be March, it's still going to be injection-only kind of visits to I.M.H, once they change my medicine it can become 6 months to I.M.H for medicine instead then I don't have to take injections, it will be nicer life and less worry but I need to keep earning money so jobclub is important to me. I wonder what the girls think about schizophrenia, do they read it up, do they feel it's weird a loss memory happened and they really left me or not? Its impossible someone like me would ask for break-up so I don't know it's like a split-up instead? Because I may become in pain due to continuous memory loss? I hope they tell me what was the conversation I really want to remember, it's just weird my relationship just ended like that, I don't feel it's fair at all and I have schizophrenia anyway, why a sickness will be in a way of it? Do they feel that I am troublesome due to having schizophrenia?

I'm happy that I dreamt of Ayatul Kursi yesterday, I hope it's something meaningful dream but it's like I ever dreamt of it before too, maybe a false-memory due to schizophrenia? I hope it becomes a legendary future for me as the definition of it, I really don't want to become a useless man, girls would maybe give up on me because of schizophrenia, why they don't mind losing me for so long anyway? It's weird what was the conversation why it is calm to them?

I bought Pulot ayam just now at shop it's cheap costing $1.20 only, I'm happy I spent money like that and living my life. I really miss eating pulot. The last time was mango pulot that my brother brought back from Bangkok.

I exercise my legs and arms like at least 150 times daily and I think my body is in a better shape like someone that's big bodied maybe, it's been 6 months then I remember some few months I stopped my arms because of the pain from injection. I think I'm building my body nicely and becoming a stronger man. My head still feels hard maybe due to schizophrenia, but I really want to do the jobclub everytime and hope I don't miss any of it, just to earn money first and I really don't like it if it becomes to stretch until April that I will work 3 days a week maybe, then I really pray I get job at mid March, the discussion for job placement hopefully is getting the job too, I'm really suffering from worry of becoming someone useless, I am really still ambitious to become a successful person and I feel like working full time somewhere from any agency, I really want my life to become easier but jobclub knows first whats best for me and I think it's advise of Sakinah that I just follow I.M.H's job fixing, in M.R.T, but I dont know if it's not Sakinah then actually the small girl Alisha as fact, it's harsh my memory of nice people then appeared Alisha as well interrupting my happiness in life.