Thinking of Work

It's really a struggling phase, I really doing well by attending all the jobclub, I really think like I will get a good job soon, I hope it's not too long at Jobclub because March is the 3rd month, now is reaching 20th of February already, on 19th I work, it's 2 months for $144, it is harsh, I really have to save, then get RG477V, it will be a nice achievement that I really want to get, I wonder what job I will get. 1 person got a cleaning job to separate the utensils, another is office cleaning job, then me? Will I really get a dishwasher job? Can I really do it? It's making my mindset like "kerje ape2 je dulu" because of my weakness, then next year is O-level, can't I get a proper job before next year? Will I really do this O-level thing? Why is life so difficult?

I imagine if they pause me from working at Jobclub in Mid March: it's 6 days of work, $108+$144 = $252, just enough for RG477V the cheapest one, but I only get money in April, it will be so long to go, I have to endure another 1 month for it. Now imagining it, total of 12 days for March, then March is 31 days, luckily February is 28 days. So it's total of 43 days countdown for me to get RG477V, I hope I pass this endurance of no smoking, game is really more important than cigarettes.

What will I be doing daily while waiting for my console moments? Will it really be this long? My parents really making me rely on government's money as the only time I have cash? I wonder why it's like that the wait. I think schizophrenia should be supported if not I really feel like a torture, I wonder why it's like that, no one is helping me truly and letting me live my life on little amount of money that's coming, they don't care if I want to buy myself something too, I wonder why it's like that.

Only if I didn't buy the bicycle I maybe should still be having $250 like that, it's hard I won't sell the bicycle again because I'm planning to upgrade it into a geared type of bicycle, I wonder if that can be done. I wonder how to have life like this, my mother still didn't respond about the $10,000, if not I can buy the RG477V before April even it would be nice to have something to spend on.

Right now I'm having bad scent of the worker of jobclub 1 of the patient is smelly somehow it's stuck to me until I reach home, hahaha. Anyway just now I ate the biscuit given by the one guiding the job at jobclub and forgot to wash my hands, I was wiping with clean water and I hope its not dusty hands. I was also given a yogurt drink and orange, it's rare someone like me to eat orange but I just ate it just now, finished it entirely. Tomorrow and wednesday whoever jobclub are lucky because it's day off, I just remembered the man at my workplace is Monday and Wednesday, means he off day from Tuesday until next Monday, wow he is on a holiday feeling definitely. My schedule still normal I work every time.

I'm planning to try to ask my mother abit of cash to buy RG477V in March, hopefully I will be successful, I really don't want a tough life I hope in March I can be playing it to and from work inside Bus.