Tomorrow is Off day

Really have to wait so long until get a job, I'm lucky I have 2 more days of rest, I'm really lonely then life really have to be like this, I have no one accompanying me in life, the loneliness is crazy I definitely want the small girl to experience more than 16 years of solo life too, then she will understand, but her qualification is higher anyway, I really loss my confidence during N-level anyway, means somehow God is unfair, I don't know why I have schizophrenia + pain from a small girl, then experienced real pain like the statements been from my ex instead, she's such a bitch then living somewhere else for her N.U.S for so long, Hari Raya is the only time she maybe comes back going to ruin her life and her boyfriend, definitely I don't want her to be happy too.

It's weird my family and siblings didn't take action and let me be experiencing pain and live with nothing for so long I have no money, schizophrenia the cause of me being poor maybe. I really don't know if doctor is real anymore that I can become a psychologist, or a nurse at night shift learning Psychology while at there, I really don't know what's happening to me in my life because of the small girl, she edited information that I hear her voice instead, maybe anger causes to hear her voice instead like a marking into my brain, she can't be having a nice life being happy with her Qualification and able to achieve a good life, God is being unfair to me, then I can become not believing about Prophet that was ever inside a Whale, like what nonsense it can become to me thinking of this, my prayers are not answered then I saw Image about a Man Inside Whale, it's just real I definitely will call her Kafir in future if she didn't pay me back anything, don't know why God makes me experience so much sadness, God is not helping me anything at all. Only 4 girls ever made me recover from my pain, then none of them are with me, I lost 2, or maybe even 3(including S) because small girl was around saying stuff, the introduction became not nice and she tunang with monkeyface, I'm so bad luck. I definitely in the end will plan to marry only 1 as a self-damage, I really loss my luck in life then why Prophets are so lucky to be confirmed Heaven anyway? Their heart is somehow created by God to be Patient with their trials then I can't survive this is too much pain, the strength I need is like level of a Wali Allah, it's been more than 16 years, maybe small girl is the one that edited story of doctor that I will become right hand man of Imam Mahdi and caused me to become delusional at that time, because of the spikes of meth from inside I.M.H, I'm so unlucky continuously, how can God think I don't wish to die if the pain is continuously like this? I have schizophrenia and no one is giving me money, I earn myself from jobclub? $144 first month? It's really hopeless it's too little and I surviving from it like this.

I definitely planning to buy a lot of Dormicum one day to just sleep entire life, but I have to revenge on the small girl Alysha first I must make sure she have a bad relationship life too, God is unfair to me like it's nothing, I'm definitely mad and going crazy, I'm not a heart of Wali Allah to go through all these madness.