Just now my reader became only 1 then I became to think maybe it's Tuesday, but I think it's the decision of telling how many people reads, I wonder how come the decision can be quick without reading entirely my writings.
I feel like searching for a dishwasher job that's up to $3K/mth for a lot of money, I remember ever work morning until night for only $80, as kendarat cuci piring, I really wonder why I experience this kind of work. People don't really care what work I do or the status I get, the feelings I get, it's like wanting me to be a cleaner ultimately in the end, why I live in a 2-storey house then work as a cleaner? Why are my parents like that to me? I then feel like applying at Popeyes myself but I have no confidence at all, I think I should just work Production Operator kind of job, or Warehouse Assistant but I anticipate safety shoes ruling then I no longer feel a nice future in my imagination, the future really gone I really need a nice job, in the end I think I will work as a cleaner and only get RG477V in May or June, it's really a long time to go but I no longer have to be warded anyway because I take my medicine daily.
Life's really bad now is only still morning and I feel dull, people are healthy working and earning while I just at home, I really think I'm a useless person, I really have no idea what job I can get, I feel like messaging O.T for the fastest job I can get, instead of waiting until March, I just really need a job.
I hope if cleaner I don't have to clean toilets, or they are not always dirty, it's really harsh the imagination of work as something difficult to get, I really don't know what to do.
I can't understand the pattern of reader if it's something important for me to note already or not too. It can just jump so high during a first time nice writing then it becomes so low until only 1, why is it like that? What do they mean by doing this?
I really don't know what to do in life, only memorizing Iqra makes me happier about having something to do, when's the start of car license I really don't know, it's like after June too. (S) didnt speed up my life but let it be slow like telling them to tell my parents to give me money faster, it's really like having nobody to be with me still, life with nobody and having a phone that's only useful for data, makes like buying an earphone would be good, I really have nobody siding me in life but making me go through the schedules I have to do, life is really only gain that's 1 month later after working, it's small earning but monthly, isn't it bad to be this way, I'm at another page searching for jobs at woodlands hoping I get a good one too.
It feels like nothing, I think I'm only having jobclub to go with the flow, then I feel like a sick man that won't get married again, it's weird how did Hisyammuddin endured this Phase successfully, I think it's really hard but he managed to work a good job. I'm definitely deadmeat kind of feelings, I wonder how to have a more relaxing life, being at home all the time is stressful that I have nothing to do, I didn't become a man that zikir alot or like what I hear to become Wali Allah at 38 years old, it's really nothing like that kind of energy anymore, no nicer life is imagined but just going through this jobclub work, maybe I shouldn't be saving for RG477V then I feel no rush of having no money again and again.
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