114 days to become 1 year on medications

In the end I did not get to celebrate every 100 days or 200 days, as I have no money, I didn't take photo to make like a sketchbook of pages during my recovery which I feel as something important to see the difference I have grown into, I think my body built-up slightly due to legs and arms exercise being at least doing 150 times each time, I see my shoulder neck have some kind of curve like I look muscular now, I hope I become a different look by June, as it's my recovery moment that I hope for, that I remember all the years instead of remembering myself as 2 times only in I.M.H, I remember the wrist tag of my age I've gone there a lot of times like every year since long time ago. I don't know why my family don't try a solution like giving me money to try enjoy and see if I recover, they don't let me have money instead, which is sad.

I still miss the feeling of wanting a pet bird that fly around anywhere and follows me and have own nest and cage, I really want such life. I want a White and Black Pigeon because usually it's White-Only Pigeon being like White Magic, then if White and Black is like rare and random, I want to feel unique. The thing is I worry of the shit still, I wonder if I will care one pigeon 1 day, I will be having a working life around mid March, April or May, it's definitely ending the suffering of having no money. I really think like I've lost Sakinah my entire life because she didn't open her Facebook or Instagram(I think I blocked her out of anger) for me to look, I really dont know how to get her as fact and she looks like I know because doctors and my relatives can still get in touch with her outside her workplace, then they don't update me anything maybe is her wish? I really hope not, I know I cant get her that's all to live a life like searching for another girl that's the last one, I really have no life already and I want to become a grandfather, means I really need to marry and leave Sakinah forever 1 day, I didn't get to talk to her much anyway my chances exist Alisha and Schizophrenia, then I loss my chance she's either busy or the first one. I'm so bad luck that Alisha knows me in my life, if not maybe I wouldve psycho-ed her to leave "Iman" and be with me successfully. Its too bad it didnt happen and have to be this way, my luck is really stupid and she got kissed by "Iman" at forehead definitely made me angry, I wonder what kind of other kisses too, means I maybe have loss her in many ways that I want her to remember me in many ways cannot happen anymore.

Ramadan is a month I always think of Sakinah Abit more then now having Wahdiah and Shahridah as my past, I think of 3 girls now a lot more. I don't believe anyone cares about me because I have been surviving myself all these while without support, like people asking me to try K.F.C or McDonalds all don't exist or happen, I have to endure my life until luck like such food appears. Now I'm capable I hope I can be treating myself happily and become to do more self-celebration of taking medicine 1 day. Maybe to anggap as "hutang happiness" to do it some other time. Maybe RG477V as 1 of self-celebrate ways :), I'm happy I think this way, then Ayatul Kursi necklace also as another self-celebration way.