Thursday, March 5, 2026

Nostalgic feelings

The rain under block just now created a Nostalgic feeling of my days outside ward, nobody pitied me that I entered ward every year, they don't care I lost 1.5mths everytime inside ward, then I haven't touched July outside ward my entire life since long time ago, I wonder why it's like this, it's really hard and I have to go through this.

Next week is the week jobclub will talk about other jobs, I really hope it's the end, I really feel like it's the end but then it will mean more working hours to do and I still not cared about if don't rest, like Hisyammuddin, my life experiencing his phase of bad life moments, he successfully have passed with a jackpot feeling too like gotten own soulmate of his wish I think, I really dont remember strongly but I think its like that, doctors really helped him to get his soulmate.

I'm definitely imagining it's my turn this time but it's like a fat hope still, Sakinah can contact me but she just chose not to, it means it's a different reaction because it's a different girl, I really don't know what ways doctors helping me get her the only thing I remember is doctor saying her nose will grow big and she become a Witch if don't marry me. What I remember is if she have son with "Iman" her son will be Wali Allah, then I hope she forced to Solat everyday as a Wali Allah is her son with "Iman", hahaha, funny she will be difficult I think, I can't believe she can do it a tough strict life like a Wali Allah's family. "Solat kalau tak muka kene sepak" maybe Iman will talk like that to her? Hahahahahahahahah. I can't imagine the anger is real when I imagine Sakinah as someone "under" Iman, but the kiss happened and I'm already too late anyway, stupid Alisha was in the way of my happiness.

Just now I wanted to create a TikTok Video under block then my brother messaged me then I forgot about it, I wonder if it's schizophrenia symptom? Because suddenly changed focus.

I have a diary, in diary I dare to write more about committing suicide, life is so cruel that Sakinah didn't even try to heal me up, she just living her life. Stupid caring way.

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