I dreamt of my primary school friend Afham etc. that I don't really remember the dream.
The dream was fun and happiness, I dreamt of my grandfather that I never seen before about the Lion with Tail that's Snake, a Hybrid Creature that came out of a Black Egg. It's really interesting dream.
I got woken up by my mother's Quran audio at her room then I bath.
Simba data usage: 2.79gb/400gb.
It's my 204th day outside ward then I have been repetitively every year inside ward then my parents still don't pity me like I never experience the outside world much for so many years. To get 365 days which is in 161 days, to be fully outside ward for 1 year it is something special 1 day, to feel month of July my 1st sister's birthday if celebrated or not I didn't know for so many years.
It's really boring the feelings, I really thought all schizophrenic have suicidal thoughts then when I think of my neighbours I think it's impossible they are suicidal, so maybe not all are like me and it's something extra that I just have to the same medicine for it, it's weird I've been wanting to suicide since 13 or 14 years old I think. Then I have schizophrenia(mental sickness) for so long that I kept forgetting I have it, then I thought I'm crazy, telling Shahridah to take Psychology just in case, then Wahdiah maybe seen my schizophrenia and what's nice I remember is that she cook for me Mee Soto before. It's all special bond that we broke up, its my special needs that someone that treat me special exist in my life then Alisha managed to break us up or split us from each other. I really don't remember the break up, but it feels like a split up that's agreed to be so long, because I really won't ask for a break up kind of person.
Now I'm wearing my Ayatul Kursi necklace hoping for some cool power occurrences in life like a cool dream or something great like "never feel poor anymore", like being given money from wearing this, haha. I know everyone if see that I don't get money while wearing this will understand the benefits of doing some Surah are maybe a Lie? I've done zikir countless times and still didn't get what I wish for. There's a hard feeling in my heart sometimes in my head, that I think it's the cause of schizophrenia.
Whatever it is, 9th or 12th is the day jobclub will talk about job placement, then on the 9th I will earn $100 for schizophrenia I.M.H research. I really hope I recover from schizophrenia from the research instead of waiting blindly everyday taking medicine to be cured, I wonder how others got cured from eating medicine only. It takes how many long years for it because my neighbours haven't recovered from schizophrenia I think?
Yesterday it was so scary thinking of my 16 years I didn't feel I've grown up and thinking I'm 20+ years old, that everyone lied to me about age, then actually when I think again, my nephew's all have grown up and I really miss and forgot so many years of my life. I became insane for so many years? Like tak sedar diri about my surroundings? It's weird my thinking can be created if I'm schizophrenic, people can lie to me easily too. Life's so unlucky to have additional Alisha that like to fool schizophrenics. I hope she gets caught 1 day by doctors or her parents, because she's living her life in university is weird that I definitely want her to remember she likes to make babies cry, instead of feeling peaceful like if seeing me 1 day will feel nothing like wary I will revenge, because she forgot everytime after she attack. My schizophrenia is different I forgot from anger and happiness.
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