Right now it's like Foggy Sunny because of I'm beside window, I wonder why my vision is like this, like all memory is gone, I really think of nothing, then just now in the bus I keep hearing the voices of the song "Chan Mali Chan" continuing after I walk pass them just now, then I am thinking like if I hear voices how can I be recovering, I really wonder what happened to those people on news like "cured from schizophrenia", how did doctor spot them? How is my cure now, how many years will it be? My neighbours been over 15 years and still schizophrenic, it's so long how can they bear being so long on medicine? It's the imagination of no recovery for me as fact, it's quite scary to be in a life thats always in pain, then it's mental problem, I imagine if doing odd body movement will symbolize that I have mental problem, then it just makes me feel like imagining it, I wonder why a mental sickness is like this.
There's no other medicines, but I just have to wait until it's May then maybe change of medicine, I really hope I become a stronger person, it's so harsh this one have anhedonia, I really am coping hard with it, I wonder what will make me go and take O-level next year? The imagination of becoming a Soldier energize me but I see the "Minimally N-level" as the requirement, I definitely heard doctor saying I will become a Soldier at 38 years old, then why is it like this? Why nobody talks of the same thing like before, to energize me? So I would work hard to become what I want.
I'm thinking like should I apply for Soldier myself? Why is life so harsh on me?
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