Does solat really brings money into life? In my situation it doesn't I was really difficult at that time and didn't get any money that's a nice amount from my parents.
The happiness of April is so high that I hope I really do well in it, I don't have other things to do in life except work 1 day, then if I have anything I plan to buy, I don't know who I will go out with anyway, it will just be walking around at City Hall, Raffles Place, Marina Square area just to look for Sakinah and Marina just to enjoy, I don't know why I don't have life in life, I wish a psychic can tell me if I would really work properly like a reminder of my future but it didn't happen, they knew I would request them to ask my parents for money I assume, it's really heavy my life then it have to be this way.
I'm at such a big age thinking I'm so young, nobody in a panic I loss so many years of experience and life feelings, I'm just living my life it's weird they don't mind me losing my life experiences. I got news from O.T that I will receive February money at the end of March, so I'm okay about it, I'm sad I'm spending normally in life but it feels so fast, I'm just happy April is approaching then I plan to do work correctly, I hope its nice food at work too, it's 6 hours without break time of working, I wonder why it's like that, it's like imagining a 12 hour work that's 6 hours for first half before break, then actually this is "go home" after 6 hours. I'm still happy and fine about it. Maybe I should eat at home first I guess but I hope I don't get stomach ache at work, but the problem with me is always worried about going to toilet its been since primary school I always panic if need toilet, I don't know why I don't know how to go toilet but just berak, maybe it's schizophrenia, the mental sickness appeared everytime stomach ache?
There's a business of selling t-shirts known as schizophrenia NYC, then it makes me feel like selling printed t-shirts and long sleeves too, to write something on it about schizophrenia like "I Am Schizophrenic", even I think it's something nice to wear that people know then wonder if the judgement is really crazy, I don't know how I survive going to Tanjung pinang with ustaz at that time, I got so lucky I completed it, why they didn't mind I became a burden there but let me experience like something independent to feel? It's weird I just enjoyed my time at Masjid Tentera Di-Raja to make myself Holier then it didn't work out I am really schizophrenic, I became dumb in my brain, working bricks I throw on floor, almost hitting an old man, I really mentally unstable until like that? I really may cause an injury like other mental sickness people that I believe? "A mentally sick person may injure someone" then they don't mind me there is odd too, I should be difficult like a burden but they treat me like normal people, it's hard I feel hot and tense but nobody can do anything about it, my vein feels stretched and pulled but nobody can do anything about it. I remember accompanying a kid there to pee then he peed on my hands I wash it away, I'm so unlucky I pitied they have no toys but schizophrenia makes my feelings deeper pity like I think it's corruption instead, it's weird my life, we painted the walls and it's over after that. I really became dumb and crazy then none of them are close to me to manage my stress moments but luckily I finished it, I pity Ustaz Harun for the difficulty I have created then I really have nobody to rely on at that time, to tell I am unstable, I just go on, does Ustaz really handle schizophrenic people well as fact? I really feel childish at there I wonder why my parents risked my life, theres pretty girls there then I could shame myself but my parents let me go there, it's weird I didn't shame myself maybe but I maybe became shameless, how each of them know how to handle schizophrenia? It's weird, is it all instructed by Ustaz on how to react? I wonder.
I was sad that I have to go through it in front of pretty girls, then I survived anyway luckily. They all seem nice even if I'm schizophrenic and have tattoo, I wonder what was the instruction to them about it, it can't be that all of them know how to handle schizophrenic people, definitely Ustaz instructed them something? I thought like that.
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