3 more days to 11th day of work!

I find it really hard to live my life but people are all stable, today I saw the Evil Girl Alisha at the gate of my neighbour's house she's back home after so long I wonder why, she seem not schizophrenic and injured I really don't think she remembers attacking my life at all. Looking injured, I don't know if she's calm even when she saw me, whatever happened been lasting more than 15 years and I'm still in a broken relationship with Wahdiah and Shahridah, nobody is fixing for us, even Alisha didn't feel guilty to self-penalize herself, she looks calm in her injured face, like have a patch at her eyes maybe became to look dajjalic.

In 3 days I'm hoping for a confirmation of a job placement, but it could be on the 12th instead(6 days later), it's really exciting and sad how it can be slow and fast at the same time, I really wonder what job will I be earning more than $1000/mth, I scored so well in N-level but I became this type of man is sad that my family don't care and promote for me to feel a nicer life by giving me money. It's really useless kind of life and slow growth, my vision kind of moving around like a blur person at this 9th month of medication, the recovery is not felt yet, I remember doctor saying if see a shiny light it means I'm recovering and my spectacles being too clear, but I'm not wearing nice spectacle and still feel the dizzy dazey foggy white vision feeling and dark vision if I walk until my feet becomes in pain.

At Swee Heng nearest to my house have $3.20 Pizza and it's smaller not like the $4 Pizza the other Swee Heng sells. I think about saving money but the walk is too far, so nvm. I will survive while working at Jobclub temporarily with the money given by my brother, it's $500 in bank, with incoming $144 from February and $100 from I.M.H Research, I only have the Bank one now, my difficulty reaches $500 left.

I wonder why Sakinah won't take care of me I love her a lot and it's a kind of love she can't get from other people, why she's like risking this love away? What if I die or she dies? Then we didn't get in touch and she don't care about it at all or she don't think about it at all?

Same for Wahdiah and Shahridah really not caring me at all leaving me by myself all these years, if they wait for me to recover at 38 years old it's like so long and like impossible, if they do it means I will get married at 38 or 39 years old?

I wonder when I will work Soldier job then? Why is my life the same and I'm not even becoming a Soldier? Next week is the job placement that I will discover and find out what I will work as, I hope it's a fun job that I can earn close to $2000/mth, sometimes I wish it's a storekeeper, logistic or warehouse kind of jobs too. Waiting for 3 or 6 days is harsh, it's like a schedule of "next phase in life to experience" instead of "reaching from speed of effort", means no matter what effort I do, it's still the schedule that fix my life in this $6/hr job by jobclub until they give me a company to work at.