Chasing Happiness

I remember like this April is finally the end and I will work at least 3 months as story of doctor before the place even exist at that time, it was under construction I think the area, doctor is really psychic, I really don't know I will survive but doctors knew first that I will work there is the amazing thing. I wonder how he knows all these, I really want to become a psychic too, it's definitely hard journey - 2027 O, 2028 A, 2029 Psychology Education, can I really do it? Then why am I thinking about nurse as a job? I will have my tattoo removed definitely.

The job really looks nice something like I've ever worked before, I'm really excited to be working there, I'm sad last year I didn't do well but luckily they gave me another chance this year, it's really difficult the feelings of wanting to push on as "someone that take medicine" after overdose of medicine and skipping medicine some days, I kept losing memories too, I really want to remember everything but people dont remind me and I have to remember on my own, it's weird this life people still can live on seeing that I loss memory so many times, then they leave me alone to "evolve" myself into a better person, means they know I can become weird in public but they still let me be going outside that people see me in a mess many times, it's harsh but I wonder why its like that.

I really hope I complete this job until December, it's really heavy to keep having to go into survival, then it's hopefully my last time because the job is quite light, just physically have to put utensils on dishwasher and pick out and place into a box, it's definitely an easy level of job that I must continue working there until I work more than 6 hours hopefully. I don't know why everyone make me do something like this instead of giving me lightness straight away after knowing I would take my medications everyday.

1st April is on Wednesday, then 2nd is Thursday and 3rd is Friday, means 4th April I will have to self-celebrate and do something because got a job at CleanMark Solutions, I really want a lighter life and this time I'm definitely going to feel like trying to work still but I don't know, I want it to be easy for an easy life. I really don't look like I will have any friends, I am still wondering how's my life going to be as nobody update me about my future - Psychology Studies, Hacker Job, Soldier Job STORIES?, Job At Anbernic Story?, I really don't know whats happening to me in future but they don't mind that I dont know, I want a full story of nice things about myself but they(doctors) don't give to me, I really want to feel confident that I will work well but they don't give me confidence, they even let me suffer anhedonia as a reminder that they don't really care about me, I wonder if I really will become a Hacker 1 day, it's really my ambition but doctors dont talk about my future again, what am I going to do?

I really don't know but I have to wait for April and May until I ask Ustaz Harunnarrashid about Tattoo Removal Program, to be knowing how I work there the days, if I can really participate by going to Masjid(it's other Masjid now "Asyakirin"), it's harsh but if in the past I completed I would have gotten my tattoos removed and I don't worry about buying T-Shirts to be required to be Half-Sleeve, I wonder how they know that I wont die until 38 years old to remove my tattoo, it's harsh they know my future but they don't tell me what am I working as, I'm really becoming a dishwasher and nobody is sad about it.

April-December(9 months): Dishwasher Job then 2027 to take O-Level. Will this really happen to me why no doctors tell me anything?