My Simba data usage: 3.58gb/400gb. It's 2 more days before the reset and I'm happy I'm living life with Simba like this.
Today I ate my medication early at 5am for sahur. My brother bought chicken porridge for me to eat.
I really want the nostalgic feelings to live like feeling the life outside ward like something to be grateful about. I daily do 20 sit-ups exercise to try get abs and so I become slimmer, I wonder if will really work.
My eyes really like a sleepy eyes and having a groggy head, it's hard to feel healthy like this, the q.s inhaler really made me feel like this I think, or it's the redbullz? But it's worth the buy anyway I think.
Yesterday I dreamt of kuda kepang, me earning 4 big packet and 1 small packet of money, then in the dream it suddenly became only 1 small packet of money Maybe. I dreamt that I was sleeping and got carried like a lion dance instead, weird performance of kuda kepang is not like that. Then I dreamt of eating at McDonald's.
It's weird I'm happy and unhappy because of the feelings I have right now, it's like a weird happiness that I will work soon at Tampines, next Tuesday being the first visit to the workplace and discuss working days, I remember doctor told me it's good for me to be there 1 day, I hope doctor is right. I hope I will be working long days and can do well in it. It's hard because imagining now the medicine is fluoxetine 2 capsules per day, then in April continues to be the same then May will change maybe, it's still hard it have to be this way, it's like long days in my imagination suddenly but I have to go through it.
I became lazy to write but energetic to count the days so I write this post anyway, I am thinking if I didn't break up with Wahdiah and Shahridah, it's more like a split up instead, then even if I remember this, they are not with me to talk about it, it's really harsh the conversation in the past, I became like madman believing Alisha's lies, Alisha is too much I think, her version of story is too painful that it can become suicidal or injuring the girls out of pain and sadness and anger, maybe when I'm angry I loss memory, when I'm to happy I loss memory too, then it makes that I can't remember the 2 girls life story, it's weird like this but they believe I have schizophrenia and loss memory, like why would I pretend to be dramatic until years anyway? Shahridah have Mdm in front of her name is painful to imagine shes married with someone else, I really don't know what to do anymore, why they don't attempt to contact me or remind me at all? It's weird and hard but have to be this way.
I hope Alisha's love life break up this year after Hari Raya so it's like the same timing I split up with Shahridah, then she understand the feeling of suddenly having nobody in life. But then I remember she will still have another guy as story of doctor is like that, then it still appear like she won't be so sad anyway. But my life experience been over 20 years and it's so long yet there's no suing for the damage she done and I'm let be schizophrenic in pain of Alisha's version of life story and experience. Its too much that my family don't care or revenge on her, none of my parents want to give me money to enjoy too, I'm let be like this. I hope this imagination of $500 really last until August or just nice enough that I get another sum of money to extend the life of having money until I work at Tampines. If doctor say it's Good it means doctor's judgement is that I can work there well without any problems at all, it means I will grow at there I think, or I will work until December maybe?
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