Feeling Stressed

Wonder if I buy the right stuff for myself, is my weight really 65kg like I think? I remember with Octave Shirt and Long Pants and Socks I'm 70KG, I hope I didn't buy wrongly the maximum weight I bought is for 65KG, Octave Shirt is really heavy, Long Pants maybe heavy too I hope it's like 3kg and 2kg somewhere added from what I wear then I didn't buy wrongly.

I'm thinking of what to do in life, I still have March and April to go through before change of medicine in May, then anhedonia will be gone hopefully, then I start feeling happier to play games, I'm really ever planned to wait long to play a game before so I think its okay to wait until the nicer feelings appear.

I can't believe I have been pushed into a working life, but I have to do it to have money, I can't believe my parents really not giving me money and let me survive by myself ever since N.S days, I was the only poor one in family for so long and nobody cares about it too, I wonder why it's like that.

It's weird like I feel I maybe have grown fat and bought wrong t-shirt so I'm worrying alot, I wonder why it's like that it feels like wanting to cancel the transaction of items because of my weight, why is it so hard to be at peace, I remember to be happy is thinking for my future self, then I maybe should let the buy happens, I hope I'm 65kg, means my pants and shirt was heavy like 5kg extra.

I wonder who been reading me, my previous post so long only have 7 readers, the longer a writing is the lesser the reader? I wonder. Why if my friends none contact me yet - 80244202, I need my time to be filled then I have nobody turning 38 years old this year means my friends let me feel bored and dull, I wonder if told by psychic doctor to not contact me, it's weird and bad life I have now.

I really will work as a Soldier and Part Time O-level or not next year? I know it's something like that my life, then A-level in U.S.A because sent to U.S.A then after that I learn Psychology and become Psychological Sector in the Army, is it really true doctor's story of me is something like this? What if it's just O-level then year of age 40 I will be Soldier Job? Means 39 years old I O-level, then Soldier Job at 40 Years Old taking A-level at the same time? Will I become a Soldier under 45 years old instead? Why there's no story about my life anymore, like doctor don't tell me my future? What will I save from the 38-41 years old I will have $50K/$75K as story of doctor, saved inside my bank. Is it from "pity money" that I have schizophrenia and people give me thousands of dollars I collected until that sum? Why doctors not telling me about my future anymore?