I really don't know if I should keep posting my data usage but my energy of life is really Simba line, I'm really bored just wanting to fill my post. I realize that even if a long post doesn't equivalent a lot of readers, if only 5 views I wonder how many people actually read or why the post is not important too. I just want to get the advertisement up in my blog, it's difficult to get it accepted I guess.
Tomorrow is Hari Raya, will only be going to 2 houses and will wear my grey Kurta and wear with my dark grey pants, I didn't dye my hair because I really lazy to get Blondo at Vista Point it's quite far.
I remember about my schizophrenic days, I became like thinking of myself when I overdose of medicine, then I became really troublesome person I think, but now I don't overdose my medicine im worried about the timing I take medicine like late or 2 hours earlier then I feel lazy to work something like that. Monday will be my injection and 3 hours of work, I'm really happy the time for injection is close and I'm really moving forward in life.
I have 147 days to go to be 1 year outside ward and 99 days to go to be 1 year on medications. I'm really happy the pain is ending in May, anhedonia really make me feel like committing suicide, I feel like life is meaningless with no feelings at all, I watch a video saying it feels like prison and I think it's true, but in prison don't have nice food so it's not really a prison feeling, it's like an area of our body is in prison then I guess cannot feel the enjoyment of something nice.
Yesterday I dream of my face on a card size metal that is broken then it became like a jigsaw piece to see my face is putting it back correctly, I wonder what it means, it reminded me of my metal Ayatul Kursi necklace.
It's another Hari Raya to go through life without a lover but it's unfair how I kept losing memories feeling like not a long duration of life, but a long duration of hot pain instead, Wahdiah and Shahridah doesn't experience memory loss so they experience the days without me it's quite scary but they can manage I became to wonder if they really truly love me at all, they didn't attempt to meet me at all because of the stories of Alisha, it can become like a cahoot with surrounding people instead and it will appear as right and not a fitnah, the pain will grow in my heart and head instead.
This year I'm turning 38, my first time following Hari Raya after so many years I've been at home every Hari Raya because not celebrating it because I just don't puasa daily at home.
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