Done topping up EZ-link

It's weird the feelings, I have $64 left in EZ-link it's quite satisfying to imagine working at Tampines soon, ever since not really a fast smoker I became worried of time and like a crisis of things to do, I really have nothing to do to spend my time, it's always the same thing written by me. What can trigger Wahdiah or Shahridah to contact me: 80244202? I really don't know, I don't have anyone that will contact me, everyone rather I skip topic of money but I really take medicine now why I can't be supported with money?

I really feel bored like I have nothing to feel occupied about, like I'm time-wasting everyday at sofa until night time then it's time to sleep, life is really heavy, on Wednesday I work at 1.30p.m until 7.30p.m, even if schizophrenic, people expect me able to work, I wonder why is it like that, I wonder who would like to see me fail in life, I definitely have to work to counter such anticipations or wishes. I'm not allowed to feel rich, then now anhedonic, I can't even get a medicine that cures me but just the schizophrenia medicine, April 20 is my next jab then it's finally May my happy month of losing anhedonia as will change medicine. I'm not given a chance to try meet Sakinah at all too, my confidence is 0% when I try her even until now I am not confident I will be happy and get her. She don't give me a chance or is nice to me at all. So many years, she maybe forgotten about me already.

Why do I have to earn myself from April to May? Family didn't let me feel lightness in my life, all I want to do is spend time with Sakinah but to accept this as a rejection, I really should search for other girls. I don't know how I can be successful in getting a girl because I'm a shy guy. 40 years old like my limit for marriage that I feel it as something too late already by fact and I should just be earning money and saving money in my bank first.

I'm like a slow brain due to mental sickness but then if I'm intelligent how can I be someone slow? I'm really suffering like a steeper hiking of mountain daily I wonder why it's like this. They should just provide for me and I don't have to work but I guess I just have to get a rental home anyway. I really feel bad it's only transport money.