I've received money from my mother for my ez-link transport money to work at Tampines - $50, I hope life became easier but this still looks ease was given by my parents, it's harsh I still have to earn by myself then I'm schizophrenic + lovesick but they truly let me do this sort of things, why they don't pity that I'm lovesick? I'm really starting my job as a Dishwasher and it's going to be a tough life, I haven't quit smoking yet but I remember I must afford it myself, it's weird life calculation cant become me saving away given cash for cigarettes instead, I'm going to become someone that quit smoking instead.
Just now I smoke my body feels good like I didn't smoke for 1 day straight, just because I smoked only 4 sticks yesterday, my recovery seems to be by time like schedules imagining me aging getting nothing unless I work, if I'm really going to become President of Singapore as said by doctor, why my parents or relatives didn't support me like I really have to work like Mdm Halimah Yacob was a cleaner last time, I have to understand a life that's the hardest part of it? If I'm going to be President of Singapore, will Sakinah believe about it why don't she just pity my difficulty and come into my life? Why Wahdiah and Shahridah also living their life without me without a problem? It's because I loss my memory then they confirmed it but they don't pity how I have nothing to spend for my life experiences and they rather living difficult life with me(susah senang same2) than giving me any money to survive?
At what age will I become President of Singapore? How sure is doctor about this? Because doctor is psychic, I really still don't believe I become someone that my relatives really liked me to become, it is hard but they really want me to become something that's pleasant like Solat everyday, they didn't decrease the weight in my life other than common sense money like Transport, it's really like an own survival, I have to ask for it again when it's finishing is why.
When I close my eyes I saw a black jacket that have burning fire image, maybe it's my memory looking at Shein clothing site, but where did the colours come from? It's like a dream in wake, colours appear in darkness, this didn't become a topic to talk about by my relative but they probably just consider me as schizophrenia's symptoms, if I'm really someone intelligent what's wrong with giving me any money to spend and not be worried anymore, because of cigarette? They know old pipe smokers smokes but didn't die because of cigarette then it's still fine to be a smoker in the family still.
My Aunt and Uncle maybe smoke but their life weight is lighter because nobody stopped them from smoking, it's really weird my parents being strict about it, instead of supporting my habits of it to create lightness into my life.
I know I will quit smoking soon but I don't know when, it feels like April, because today is 28, I last for 4 days, so it's until 31 March. Means April I suddenly will have a total new life as a none-smoker.
I feel like spending on $20 Denim Hoodie Jacket at Lazada, $36 3 Pack Cargo Pants at Shein, $56 Soldier Jacket at TikTok, Some Jeans, then I can't know from doctor if I will really work already, $1600 is something that will cause me to buy all these, I'm really happy even if doctor say I won't work something of a stable salary if from jobclub, it's really alot in my opinion that $1400 is considered big amount already.
I hope I gain adopted brothers that's caring enough to give me money that I feel panic about if I finish mine, my bank is $311, then I have $50 in wallet, I don't know why they are becoming like my parents, maybe doctor became a barrier that I won't receive money quick enough because of the treatment they feel as good.
I remember Naim and Epul considered me as real brothers but I still don't have the advantage in life of getting money support from them, it's really hard but when I think again, both have own girls and maybe family to care. I know 1 day doctor won't disappoint me and let me create a family-sharing blog website and forum and I will invite all my adopted family members to write in it, it's weird if I still understand something by definition, I really feel a parent should be more caring by giving a lot of money, as I plan my children to not feel a poor life at all forever, it's really sad if they feel poor in life like me, I want my grandchildren to be happy too, it's sad if I imagine 38 years old and I still have no babies, 39 still none, 40 still none, maybe 41 instead as "AL" it reminds of Allah, Puan Hamidah Bahashwan said if "nak sangat" bagi but tak bagi Sakinah to me, it's really bad my life. 39 Years old O level, 40 years old A level, 41 years old Psychology Studies, why can't I have someone when I'm 38 years old? I'm already too old and I feel weak without imagination of a lover by my side. Love is strength in my opinion.
Cant someone just contact me and confirm from doctor if I really will work maximum salary except off day in April? Hahaha, I'm so excited.
Anyway im reminded that my Nephew have extra Fishing Rod I wish to use to Fish 1 day.
The War of Iran and USA+Israel, like no girls care that it could become World War Soon then they don't approach me at all, if story of Islam in the past "Black Gold"(Oil) became a chase in the world, then the Oil is currently being chased is like the sign of World War and the girls should get in touch with me already. It is hard feelings my life like this. If Russia and Iran really team up, I feel like the Winner is Iran in the War, it's weird because Russia can finish Israel easily, but Iran's leader died already it makes the win meaningless. If Iran were to attack U.S.A country, Muslims exist in it then may kill Muslims anyway, so if theory of End of Times, Iran will win the War but how can U.S.A lose the war if Muslims in U.S.A exist Iran can't bomb the country? This is the most talked about like war then the killings really happen and Iran only attack bases of U.S.A and Tel Aviv in Israel. When I think again, if Mosque exist, why they believe they own Al-Aqsa to claim as their country at there? Why the whole world isn't helping about it? Palestine if a poor country, building mosque is so expensive, then they didn't get to use it is already sad, it's weird the whole countries everywhere didn't support to allow Al-Aqsa to just be given to Palestine.
Talking about poor, my life is also considered as poor, with $1600/mth soon as my happiness I definitely will feel rich and "my life not compared to become like Palestine" to feel the pain even if can feel the ease by being given money, i don't understand my parents' treatment why would they compare the life of Palestine and Africa when we can have a nicer life, I even imagined drought days of Dajjal have ever happened then it's been over 10 years and still no Dajjal, I feel we should just live life like American and copy their life journey of success like becoming a Soldier, I really want to become a Soldier and become a Successful Singaporean like a Successful American Love Story.
But scary American love story is like "sex with neighbour, maid, soldier's wife" I really goal for a pure love loyal story instead, like a soldier going back home to loyal wife and children and be a happy life family. I really want a life with Sakinah as a Soldier.
No comments:
Post a Comment