Why I have no one?

I assume everyone ran away assuming I would ask money from them, it's really bad but it turns out I have no friends in the end. I read a quote that colleagues are not friends, but I hope my work colleague will treat me as a friend if around my age, I really don't know what to do in life, now I only have imagination of working afternoon until night, sleep, then wake up in the morning for medicine, it's like that continuously my life in future. I goal to do well in April, but I hope nobody like Alysha demoralize me out of a sudden, if my N level I continued learning then maybe I would have achieved 3 or 2 at least in other subjects, it's too sad nobody sued her because maybe wanting her stable so she can work and earn money first to pay me back.

Who are the readers if my friends had ran away, if Izzuddin and Sadiq becoming Wali Allah this year or Next Year, means psychic doctor would meet them to tell them about their status? I know it's about this year or next year that they will become Wali Allah, time really flies, I hope I am introduced of a kind of power that I understand that Allah really have "power", like I understand "psychic exist" and they maybe don't serve people but their jobs, and it's only because I'm their adopted son they tell me my future, they however don't tell me why I don't receive money though.

It feels like I will really do work well for April, and finally everyone can see me as someone that can stand up on my own, I don't know why I'm like a crippling man or struggling I truly hope I don't become a lazy man.

In May I will take my Motorcycle License on my own I guess, I think I can afford a K.R if I keep working maybe, I really don't know about motorcycles at all, I just starting to feel that in life there's no where to go except search for soulmate that is considered as being settled by doctors and ustaz? Why is it like that? Why I don't have somewhere to go in life? I really won't be watching the sea at beach, fishing, accompanying my nephews as they will have a boring life if have no one, they have each other is what's nice, I really just must buy a Small Lorry so they feel experience of fun being outdoor on the road, the wind will make it adventurous day everytime they ride my lorry.

I really plan to buy a small lorry like P.M Lawrence Wong enjoys his guitar, to spend time with my nephews. By that time I will already be earning $1600/mth doing this job and should have enough to treat them everytime.

Thinking of my nephew makes me think of Dina again, she's grown so big that maybe my schizophrenic sadness caused me to dream of Dina as 3 years old "Adriana" and I spent time with her during the world war taking care of her, I dreamt that Japanese still invade Singapore somehow. It's harsh I can mix dream and reality due to schizophrenia, nobody takes care of me about this but I'm left writing about it here. In my dream I fought japanese alone like 1000 of them, in a narrow space that only 1 and 2(2 sides) can pass by to try hit me, and I defend myself from all of them, in the dream I felt super tired and I shouted "Allahuakhbar!" when I got confronted by Samurai Users in front of the elevator at 554 my 2nd Sister's old house. Why did I dream such thing protecting Shahridah and made her run away first? In the dream I had sex with a terrorist girl that have AK-47 and was also fighting japanese soldiers. I truly hope doctors tell me this dream meaning for me faster but I don't feel like I got attention of doctors to tell me, it's sad I have to bear with it like an adult(I'm turning 38 years old and my heart is like 22 years old).

It's really heavy my life all alone for so many years, if I were to earn I only feel like giving my family, then I would be calculative on my girl if they knew me first that I'm difficult and they didn't help me first, I am not a guy that asks money from a girl but I expect a kind of initiative that supports my life into something. I really felt that Shahridah and Wahdiah had truly left me then I wonder what they are thinking if they really want to leave me, like Shahridah have status of Mdm I really thought she have symptom of schizophrenia and thought had married me so the status is like that and the school pitied her just putting Mdm. It's really heavy but I am going through this alone over and over again everyday, coping with memory dash in like I will become President of MUIS, doesnt it indirectly meant that I will become an Ustaz 1 day? I hope Ustaz Harunarrashid tell me about my future I really want to know, why would I become someone that Solat everyday and become an Ustaz? President of MUIS means an Ustaz or not?