Finally I'm earning big enough to feel satisfied, if doctor say I can do it, it means I can, I hope I can too, I really want to work here earning such amount of money, but then still I'm most probably the lowest earner among family and relatives?
Finally I'm becoming a changed man, I exercise daily at least 100 legs lift sideway and 150 arm balling, I hope this 6 months doing this I have grown big, my legs really look big. I try to do 20 sit-ups daily, then I'm so fat now 21kg more than usual 50kg, I think I can only do 5 push-ups, it's hard but I think of doing something like that daily, I don't know why I grown fat, it's maybe chicken chop with tomato rice as I vision for a nice future babies that doctor say the food will keep my babies alive, but with Sakinah, I think story of doctor is if have babies with Wahdiah, baby will have eczema at kelengkang then I worry about baby in future can't find a lover because of that, then if have baby with Shahridah, baby will always be sick and too small, so I think I won't have babies with them as my babies will be suffering, but then I really don't know if they still love me or words of Puan Hamidah Bahashwan really is about my life of finding the correct girl, it's hard they never talk about/to me in their plan then I feel like having plans only and I don't know if they really have a plan, why they not giving me hope about Sakinah at all?
I assume that if have babies with Lyanie babies will be sick and die, because the imagination like knowing what doctor would say, but then I hear voices causing this writing then I'm not sure if it's Alisha, but it's like she don't know about Lyanie at all, so I don't know whose voices is it.
I really hope I get to contact any of them again, it's a difficult life I think of my past, people maybe don't really care about me.
I remember one time I decided to stop using M1 sim card then I loss memory and it got taken by Muhammad Haziq that uses it to spend on something, it's bad friends I gain, reminded of Abdillah Sarifudin, this makes me believe that not all Muhammad are good people then it got proven 1 day by the news of Police N.S.F offering money to teenage boys for sex. I wonder when they will become Kafir instead, their religion will become Christian, Jew, Buddhist or Hindu. It's like the actor of Aksi Mat Yo Yo became a Pondan with breast created then still celebrate Hari Raya, it's weird in Singapore he's not really condemned but I wonder why they still get to put their religion as Islam, MUIS don't really mind them living their life like that.
It's like Puasa songs danced by bapok/pondan and people still don't mind them celebrating Hari Raya, it's weird Islam shouldn't be like that, the Pondan definitely became a Kafir in my opinion.
Then I'm reminded of calling Abdillah a Kafir then he inserted me into black flag website, that have my name then I became to look like a terrorist, I don't know if he made that website himself to scare me or cause me to loss memory, but he's turned evil because of money it's not worth it to be friends with him but I kept losing memory and remained his friend at that time, it's harsh my life, like a bullied person.
I always imagined a bullied person as someone weak that won't get married then my schizophrenia makes me worry if I ever was bullied then loss memory because too much anger causes me to lose memory then suddenly I would be feeling angry and wonder why my memory is loss.
2 more days for my 2nd last day of jobclub work, I'm really looking forward to the end of little-money pain and finally earning big in life making me capable to live my life properly. I really want to buy clothes such thing, buy almari and bed for my room too, life's weird I really feel like designing my own room myself.
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