Haven't touch game

It's so long, I feel that way, the anhedonia making me worry that I wasted money buying console but it's something I love so I don't think it's a waste of money, I'm reminded about quote that says invest in future-self then this is definitely something good for me.

My previous post I only have 8 readers, I wonder who they are anyway, it's considered not many people but then it's okay anyway assuming 1 person holds the writing and share it with others, I really hope each and every one reaches Sakinah, I still wonder if we will meet again, what should I do in life now that I will work at Tampines? Will I start living my life normally without her and think of starting a family with someone? I definitely at the age that I should give up, because Sakinah is old too, don't think like she really will care about me, missing her is too much for me but then me distant from her is okay for her, it means it's a 1-sided love, I really have nobody to marry other than searching for a new girl, at this age it's too difficult to get someone that wants a life too, people maybe want perfection and stable man anyway, I'm just a normal worker type of guy and in love with Sakinah, I really dont know where to search for a girl too. It's too difficult to imagine if nice girls like Sakinah really exist, I'm really having to move on in life and think about working hard as dishwasher at Tampines. Nobody help me by giving me money that I don't feel like an endurance except from my brother, I really still feel like enduring life, it's hard and have to be this way.

To imagine having $500+ left, to spend $10 on Blonding my hair then Dye my hair, then Cut hair another $10-$12, I really feel like a survivor despite my brother giving me $1K due to Ramadan and buying RG477V that I love alot. The happiness is weird it exist strongly but I became wondering why anhedonia really killed the pleasure or excitement? Why do I have to suffer anhedonia and it's definitely like causer of other pain that happen into my life from the sadness of losing pleasure? It definitely should be considered as having another sickness or an allergy of medicine? I really wonder why it's nothing - why they don't teach patients "if have anhedonia, do this: .." like an answer to get from having this sickness.

I really will cut hair before Hari Raya, maybe on the 19th which I will dye my hair also. It's definitely a different feeling like stability when looking nice instead of schizophrenic and handsome looking. I'm definitely becoming higher health and handsome looking this coming Hari Raya.