How will I live without thinking of Sakinah anymore? She got into my head permanently then she don't pity me that I experience such thing and let it be, it's really bad the feelings, it's not nice being in love with someone, I wonder what I should do.
I was browsing items at Lazada just now then I thought of buying Hoodie Denim Jacket they look nice to have, but maybe only will use to go work and back from work? I really don't know I feel like the work require a jacket to be inside bus because the t-shirt looks cold to wear.
I remember something like a voice story maybe my dream, a girl that wants me to become somebody that solat daily is definitely hard to happen because I can't do that, I always don't match criteria of girls, I'm so unlucky in my life, I wonder why it's in my memory but it could just be another story of Alysha to ruin my chances with other girls, I don't know what's wrong with her maybe she is crazy a little, then schizophrenic sometimes, like having 2 mental illness at once because she loss memory when she attack me.
I wonder of my luck wanting to get money from her old attacks to my life but what's bad is if her parents the one that's paying me instead, her parents never did anything to me then it could become like that because of the another story that her mother giving me $50K($25K for each girl Alysha caused breakups), then $10K to each girls. It's weird if her parents the one that pay anything I don't feel stable about it.
I don't know her parents judgement on her they look well and okay when I saw Alysha at the gate and Hari Raya, it's weird I wonder when her father will support my recovery because he's a Wali Allah, there seem nothing happening even if I walk passby him multiple times, like there's no special power to heal me, his wife have schizophrenia anyway so maybe it's like the same expectation from his wife that Wali Allah can heal someone as the story we hear since kids days. It's like my relative can't heal me too despite being a Wali Allah. I really don't know why Allah make me sick + understanding what it feels to be in love at the same time, it's so unfair, then the difficulty is from my shyness, my education standard, my money, my job etc. There's just too many barrier in my life from getting Sakinah, I should move on and look for a random girl that maybe can get lucky as if doctor is right that I will become President of MUIS etc., she will get a nice status just by loving me and accompany my life ever since my difficult days of my life.
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