The boredom today is due to being in my room almost all day, tomorrow is working day and im excited it's ending, I feel happy of knowledge that I will work all days except I.M.H appointment day in April, I really hope it matches doctor's words, I really will try to match it and work hard.
The energy to work is due to wanting to Shop, at Shein have a lot of items that's cheap, even have Polo T-Shirts in 5 Packs, but I have tattoo that's not half arm, it won't be nice if I wear Shirt with short tattoo, it's really a waste I hope I can remove tattoo faster. The feeling to create tattoo sometimes exist but my goal to become a Psychological Strength kind of job makes me want to remove tattoo, I also plan to become like a studious person, I also want to be a person that wear contact lense that's yearly kind of buy and wear spectacle at night kind of discipline, to invest in myself and become a stable man.
I really don't know who will speak to my parents about supporting me to become stable, it looks like I really will work April until the end then live on my own, it's hard if they compare me like "... pon sama cari duit sendiri", I have schizophrenia it's different it's hard. The cluelessness of who reads reminds me of Ustaz Harunarrashid maybe read at Masjid, I really want to know comments but I'm a nobody to receive any comments at my blog, only if I'm already a government hacker my request definitely would be thought about. Government hacker earns $20,000/mth, I really want to become it, I've been top hacker for over 20 years, and I'm the best hacker for listening to doctor, doctor is psychic knowing my hacking spree and stopped me really surprised me at that time, I wonder why I didn't become famous, it's maybe because doctor stopped me. I was being a nuisance playing videos on victims' computer with their speaker to the maximum, others would think it's them watching porn instead but I didn't care. A hackers' mind is only about feeling the fun in hacking.
I really want to learn from the jailed people that uses botnets to down companies, to get their botnets to hack in computers, they are stupid hackers I think, they didn't hack into computer but uses computer to attack a company, so wasted the thrill of hacking which is to spy personal actions in front of computers, if finding out credit cards are all luck, like I imagine we can found out people's naked pictures it becomes fun to hack computers.
I began to feel energetic to work in April that I wish in my heart that next year they employ me on weekends as I want to school on weekdays, hahaha. It's really heavy but I really want to become an adult and a good man, I really don't mind not scoring distinction anymore but to become an earner in life, like working and studying at the same time. I hope I work enough to save for next year's school maybe? It's really ambitious mind I'm having and I want to be supported by my parents like giving me a headstart of money, but they are not like that to me. Other people live in a smaller house but receive so much money from parents, I'm less lucky about freedom and I still clueless why they are like this to me, why they let me eat coffee shop food like ikan bakar leftovers such thing? Why they have the heart that I eat k.f.c picked from outside dustbin? My mind is unstable but they don't let me spend it away, I'm so unlucky in life always at dirty places but they don't pity me, my parents let me live a survival life I wonder what Ustaz would say, but it's like Ustaz really support my parents' decision to be like this sadly, I wonder why maybe eating coffee shop food is like Soldier Platoon sharing food.
I'm becoming a worker this April and I'm not energized like having constant contact with a friend or someone to message, I'm left alone like a loner and my loneliness like killing me I only have blog to write then the attention span of a person is unknown if people would really read then I feel have a chance my parents support me faster from a person's mouth or message, it's harsh I have to live a survival life even if given money from my brother. I hope it's nice attention to my blog, like a nice heart if a worker type of person that reads because of information like spikes, I'm definitely not a criminal and don't want to live inside ward many times. Means they can ask psychic at I.M.H any doctor knows the future and knows me I think. I remember doctor ever said wanting to introduce me as hacker to Army in Singapore, means I will become famous in S.A.F as a hacker that people will treat me nicer as I am someone important in Singapore Govt Jobs one day.
I hope doctors can tell me more about my life or even send writings of dream definition, but doctors are too busy, some patient looks always the same like shitting in public area of toilet then doctor still care for them is weird, they are crazy in my opinion, even nude in public area of toilet to bath, I wonder why doctor mix me with them multiple times, schizophrenia and insanity is like the same if I'm with them and why doctor don't tell me why they did that? I'm like bunched in a ward of crazy people but maybe their medicine is different and ward can be many severe cases. I remember doctor saying I am "Violent Schizophrenia" meaning I am Anti-Violent and hear voices and sentences of violence to me, it's sad Alisha's attitude is like that and I ever survive it for more than 20 years without support of my parents but happy information to Alisha like I eat at coffee shop after 12am leftover food and collecting stuff at outside dustbin.
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