Memories of repeat buys

I wonder why it's like that when I first bought it I thought it's my first time buying, then I remembered last year I did this before, why is my life like this, why none of them reminded me about it, they let me buy and use up my money, if money is nothing to them why won't they just give me money?

My mind is healing slowly, or "after I did it again", then pressure to buy it keeps existing until I bought it, then discovered I ever done this before, it's weird just looking at it I don't remember at all, I hope I recover quickly and remember at first sight, maybe the 2nd year of medicine it will happen? I hope so, I'm really getting stronger already. The other patient at jobclub is more talkative than me and seems more energetic I wonder why, did he take a lot more medicine sometimes? I wonder like this, I was weak during my first month and he's so strong in his first month, it's weird I really suspect he take more medicine causing him to talk a lot more, or he took lesser then pretending "talking is normal because eaten medicine" means "if talk = ate medicine". I really felt heavy during my first month and I'm surprised he's so strong. He even throw vulgar at one of the O.T there, means he's got a lot of energy or didn't take medicine maybe? It's weird and so unfair if his strength exist while I was weak on my first month.

I'm thinking of my future if I will work dishwasher peacefully, I hope so, it's the only thing I can do in life, I wonder if doctor really will offer me to become a nurse once I've done 3 months as dishwasher, my memory is something like that, I really want a better job, then I really want to remove my tattoo, but I saw a worker at I.M.H have tattoos and no problem about it I guess, 1 nurse even slashes own hand and still working as a nurse, I just want to become psychologically strong, as psychic, I can get what I want, if I become psychic after Sakinah is gone, I wonder what other psychic was doing because my true feelings is definitely knowledge of psychic that I love her, then the only nice thing to do left is pair me up with her and tell her I'm her soulmate, I really have to live by myself and become a psychic myself to get her? The height to be is until a doctor level to get Sakinah, why can't Sakinah be with me whatever I become? I only want to become a Psychologist to get heart of Sakinah and care her mind because I read quote. I also like to watch movie on mental hospital and want to work there.

It's so hard, now is 19th March, then I have 12 days left before working at Tampines. I will be solo, no police watching me to recruit me, no soldiers watching me to recruit me, I became a meaningless dishwasher? What did I score 100% in N-level for if this is the only strength I can do? I really hope I earn a lot and work well, 1 lorry to do dishwashing really looks like a lot of boxes, I wonder how many boxes each time to work on, I also wonder of the resting time is it a paid break or not too. It's so heavy I must really do this job, doctor feel it is the best so I must believe doctor, doctor felt I wasted when I didn't do last year it means I must believe doctor, I really trying hard to become stronger in life.