Monday Night 2nd March 26

Life is still normal and the same, the anger I get is sudden maybe dicocok2 from hearing Alisha's voice, until angry maybe she was just taunting because keep getting money from my father so she created some sentence that she don't know I will remember in the future(currently), then got angry because of it.

I think it's maybe June that I will take Car License, it's just 3 months to go, but I don't know when as my brother didn't remind me about it. My life's weird they really changed became better people like Solat then I'm currently the worse in ranking of a good person, I don't know why I became like this.

Today I hope for a recovery due to wearing Ayatul Kursi necklace, and it seems the same, why would I believe and try anyway when it's starting to be hard to believe, Allah ignore me anyway, it's just trying luck to see what will happen after I got this necklace. Tomorrow is Tuesday then have Wednesday another off day, it's luckily worth it to go for the $18 just now, earning very little and surviving life, I hope someone help me to create the ease in my heart so I feel more peaceful. The viewer of my Facebook I really don't know maybe it's my far relative because it's the same, I don't know why Sakinah or Wahdiah or Shahridah really didn't contact me at all, what's wrong is it because I have schizophrenia, is it because my feelings always the same and I would say the same thing over and over again so become no need to hear/read like I miss or whatever?

I really wonder if they have any feelings for me, life is really cruel, I still hear voices maybe it's the impact of spiked but it's so long, so many months have passed, it's definitely the chemical became like a tissue in body and stucked or it's the fluoxetine making the nice feelings sometimes.

It's bad my life, always thinking of the same girls, then it's like fat hopelessness they really keeping their mouth shut and my luck in life to wonder if I actually am crazy that's why they're gone from my life. Even if doctor say I'm not crazy, it could just be another lie to comfort my heart and mind. I'm so unlucky schizophrenia that I remember and not like Alisha who forgot immediately after a schizophrenic feeling, means she don't suffer a lot of pain in life, I wonder why it's like that, girls can tahan schizophrenia more than guys.

I spent like $10/day on Ramadan and readying to lose $300 in month of Ramadan, sadly, then it's actually imagining having only $400 left after buying $310 RG477V, Ramadan is a month that money gets wasted a lot. I feel like not puasa tomorrow so I don't have to waste a lot of money, so I can drink at refrigerator. It's really hard no one cares about me. I'm going to sleep now hoping I dream something good because of Ayatul Kursi necklace.