My RG477V

Happy I got it finally, I plan to play PSP and WII Games as the main thing, but then especially Nintendo Switch, but I still havent read/watch on how to do it yet.

Life definitely became higher peace, different but then I remember I am abit dazey lately so I can't really enjoy the gaming, I played Mario Kart until completed I'm happy I've done well on it. Game is awesome I knew I will recover once change of medicine and there will be no more anhedonia then I will be playing games a lot again, I really hope 11th May is the date doctor will change my medicine, because after 23 March, it is 20 April, if 4 weeks later, 27, 2, 9, 16 May, but it's very early 11 May instead, maybe they will change my medicine into Risperidone or Haloperidol, I'm really happy the other type of pain is ending. There's only 2 new type of pain - 1 is Earning Little, Another is The Current Medicine Create Anhedonia. I'm really struggling in life.

Monday or Thursday next week is the confirmed talk about job placement and I can't wait about it, the little salary pain is ending soon, I'm about to earn more than $1000/month like a normal worker, I plan to work entire year as whatever that they will give me, if I have to, I don't have to take O-levels because N-level is sufficient to become a Soldier, then my dream is still the same Hacker, Psychologist, Soldier, I read a quote to chase dream then I think the easiest to become is a Soldier. Doctors will help me decide if I should take my O-levels or not I think, I hope they help me because my mind can't think sometimes it goes blank and empty, schizophrenia is like that, I imagine about insane people and those people with schizophrenia but participated in musical activities like a retarded person, like shaming or stigmatize other people with schizophrenia to appear as if we are like that too. They look more like crazy and are active in such activity, it's weird they feel no shame in the wear to sing and make music.

I feel relaxed that I can play Mario Kart and all I need left to do is install a Switch game then ready to play it, I will figure out how to play a switch game 1 day, I searched for Eden Emulator but can't find on Play Store I wonder where to get it from then.

I feel like Sakinah is far ahead of me in life then I am just wanting her then I can only talk to her a few times because got Schizophrenia, Alisha and don't know where she's at, means the chances of me talking to her is like 0.1% in a lifetime then the moment can be taken by Alisha or I loss memory due to schizophrenia, if I became too happy I will lose memory, means if she suddenly out of my sight I may forget that I saw her and continue walking, it's really hard, I really got my life wasted by Alisha as if not I would have someone that maybe hang on and try to guide me in my difficulty of thinking, but then a man is supposed to protect a girl but why can't a girl support a man then?

I feel like Wahdiah and Shahridah will contact me in June 2026, then I'm really not sure if it will happen, I wonder when Sakinah's phoneline will finish so she change to Simba and contact me already, but it's just matter of luck - a 1% chance of it happening but I try anyway by writing a blog and writing about my love for Sakinah.

I feel like it's already ending soon, the pain of earning so little, then I am sad how my family making me work to become independent instead of supporting me due to schizophrenia hard to work and think, I maybe weak like a retard but then I can still think well. It's like imagining I loss my mind when I keep hearing the song "Chan Mali Chan" all the way inside bus, like my mind became empty then musical and became dumb, people don't pity that I have schizophrenia and demand heavy actions to me, but luckily Hisyammuddin survived it, I wonder if I will be okay. It's definitely month of May, June, July that something different will happen but it can happen faster like in April, but even March is the happiest thing - getting a new job and working in a company will be the happiest day of my life, the end of misery but then the start of being a worker in life.

They don't pity me like requesting updates about my life, but I just live on taking medicines daily, I self-remind that my mother love to lie about information then it can be heartache talking to her then to try not to talk to her too much. I really take medicine but then I still may become antisocial because they are not being supportive to me and talk lies secretly pretending everything is normal and not painful for me. If they imagine I experience pain, they would pity me more but their actions truly don't care about me at all.

I really feel suicide is the priority to achieve, but to get dormicum is hard, it can make sleep for 12-24 hrs maybe then to swallow 10 or 100 will be the wish for an end to my life, I really get nothing but pain in life and I can't cope like this, everything is like a schedule and I worry it's a hard job, then I worry I may be cleaner as job, then nobody cares about it too, I want a clean nice status job then I will be fine and happy. Nobody helps me like they live more happy in life than me anyway, I wonder what's on their mind everyone start to have life and family then I'm so left behind but nobody cares to help me at all. They let me ketinggalan zaman, even like not liking I bought this console to keep up to date in life, but then I wish they become more supportive on how I can use it well after spending on it.

Life is really difficult I really hope Monday or Thursday is the end of little earning phase and earning normally in life, I hope Ayatul Kursi necklace is some kind of white magic that helps me to get a nice job in life and earning living peacefully.