No life as fact

Boring like crazy, Sakinah isn't coming for my life, it's been too many years, if she don't get updates then it would be nice for me leaving her my entire life. It's been so many years why would she still be updated about me? Why is life like this? I really have nothing to give her anyway. I really don't know what to do my feelings don't go away, she's crazy to let me feel this way continuously, at that time she was with monkeyface anyway why do I still hope for her? I think I saw monkeyface at my mart before but he's tall and I don't know why it's at night, I even think could be because of seeing me even. It's bad life I can't think properly.

All I remember now is doctor saying I would earn $1500+ on my first month of working because of 1 day off for I.M.H appointment, then it energizes me to move forward in life. I really look forward to doctor's words as being true and then it become meaning that I will become psychologist/psychiatrist again, it's really weird I hope this slow phase in life somehow can get faster by tellers of my future, then nobody is around to tell my future, it's just like a heavy weight in life to think about, now it's 2.26p.m, about 1 hour from my starting working hour, tomorrow going to be a long 6 hours or a short 6 hours? I wonder like that. It's something rare that I can work already, maybe it's like during medication inside ward I didn't believe my family are my family, then there's something wrong now too like it's too fast, I don't believe I can do it too. I probably should just forget about Sakinah like she didn't care and just be with monkeyface then kissed her on forehead, it's really stupid. I really hope doctors tells monkeyface I'm really going to be right hand man of Imam Mahdi then he will be scared Abit of me, I can't believe Sakinah know I love her like in a weird way, she definitely didn't give me any sympathy, then I wonder why she is doing this to me like not rejecting me properly.

Boring like crazy, my brother cooks Maggie I feel like cooking Maggie too, the hunger is real the aroma of Maggie curry is so nice.

I hope doctors tell me more about Imam Mahdi, I really want this to end, like Imam Mahdi telling Sakinah that I truly love her, something like that it would be easy she doesn't have to confirm anything else. It's been so long and barrier are humans they can talk differently so that Sakinah still avoid chatting with me, I'm so unlucky, I don't work at Popeyes like story of doctor then I wonder if about Imam Mahdi is another "if" too, it's quite stupid hearing such sentences to be energized but I remember doctor saying things about secret society then he happens to be right about my future, I think I'm just losing my happiness in life and actually just working to earn money and that's all. I really don't know if I can work, but if doctor said $1500+ for first month it's gonna be that I think because my happiness of getting the job is so high.