He is my cousin anyway, he went through this phase of life first and I'm understanding the difficulty of no-attention from it, nobody talks to parents about money too which is bad I don't know why my life is like this.
As days goes by, I start finding the 3 hours jobclub as something easy to do and I start feeling light about doing it, I really hope I get a good stamina from working there, it definitely will increase says the O.T, I definitely looking forward to a different life experience. I imagine myself now have quit cigarette really soon, as I have confirmed to last 4-5 sticks per day now, and have decreased to 4 sometimes, I really think it's time to use this inhaler and quit smoking. I'm really happy imagining the amount of money I can save by not smoking, then I can really buy stuff for myself to go out on Saturday and Sunday, I really feel like going Choa Chu Kang a lot to bump into Sakinah, I wonder what exist at that shopping mall, it's really difficult I just hope she brings her niece outdoor so I bump into her.
I wonder when such thing will happen, it's maybe even when I start to quit smoking already, the hot feelings was felt then I had to smoke cold, I really have no idea why sometimes it feels like pleasure can grow from rubbing my legs on bed, the understanding of spiked feelings is definitely doesn't define as horny instead because I have anhedonia, spiked feelings is something nice at feet so it doesn't equivalent to sexual matter, it's more like a resting matter, it definitely had turned into a tissue material and stuck inside my body for months, I wonder when it will be gone anyway, I hope the anhedonia really goes away by 11 May onwards I will change medicine I think as meeting doctor earlier than 4 weeks, it will definitely be a nice feeling that's different, and I most probably will have to take pleasure pill benztropine again, it's definitely nice to have something that counter the abnormal pain away.
I will start my inhaler journey on 12-14 March as I will be receiving the item by then, it's really fast and I hope I can do it this time, to remember my private school N-level days that when I quit smoking I scored 100% in all subjects examinations, I'm really happy about getting to do something good again, it's definitely the same feeling if I got to quit smoking again, it's like scoring 100% again, but I know smoking doesn't create me stupid, as I passed my N-level even after 1.5mths didnt go school because I was in Ward, it's really harsh but my life is really like that, I loss scores due to skipping school that long but still remain as top in class meaning I'm so smart, but then science got taken over by a retarded ADHD boy scoring the top score instead of me. I was still 2nd place anyway.
I'm really happy and hope it's something new to feel this time, the end of other extra cravings in life can be settled by just inhalers? It would be amazing that I will quit already by then.
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