I'm surprised about my weight being 71kg, means I've grown fat already, my height is 174cm, it's like a just nice kind of weight but actually I feel like a fat person, my stomach is round and it's too much I have no abs and it's bloated like a fat man, why did this happen to me? Why did I become a fat person? I just now did 20 sit-ups due to worry of becoming a fat man, then my breathing really puff, but just for 20 sit-ups, on a sofa, hahahahahah so funny I feel so fat like I can tumble around.
What is my recovery state like, why anhedonia makes me think I'm hard to recover? It's so harsh and heavy feeling nothing in life. I haven't eaten melatonin for my night sleep, time really flies fast and tomorrow is already Wednesday, I think I'm cutting my hair tomorrow, I estimate will deduct like $22 including buying blondo dye first - $12 for haircut and $10 for blondo dye. Then I will dye my hair perang. I hope I will be handsome this coming Hari Raya, I'm definitely fat already my relatives will see, then I don't know why none of them speak of suing Alisha, Alisha should be a hot topic as fact but none of my family are talking about her, she escape because she loss memory after every attack. What a crazy girl, then now doing N.U.S like a high status person. She should be already working something maybe like having money to pay me back, I'm let to suffer and she's growing in her life status, what a bitch I have to experience in my life, then sadly my Wahdiah and Shahridah didn't attempt to get me back faster or even sue Alisha for her lies, the pain I experienced was really painful and it's too much and crazy, why both of them like being light about it? Why they don't shock/surprise Alisha by appearing at my doorstep but Alisha is sleeping in N.U.S anyway, but there's no attempt from them though, I feel sad I miss them so much but I can't do anything about it, to be fair I just write "them", it sucks but being a man who wants to marry only 1, this 2 break-ups was unintended and I would feel bad if hate any one of them, Sakinah what should I do? Why are u not responding me on TikTok, Facebook, SnapChat? Instagram I've blocked I think, because I was too angry, the only self-damage I did to Sakinah is that.
Now it's night time, my fat tummy is on my bed while I'm typing this shaking my legs to calm myself down, I really been shaking legs a lot but I'm happy it's sign of high intelligence but why nobody cares about it, like won't they say like "u have high intelligence" to me? Hahaha.
I'm really thinking what to write, I really don't know what will be new, the point that's special about me right now is, I was given a chance for a day off on 19th March and 23rd March, but I rejected and said I want to come to work, I'm really happy with my decision, I don't want to be lazy too. It means I'm earning $36 total for both days, I'm happy, it really can buy me 6 chicken chop with tomato rice.
I've grown too fat now to eat those, I will rest abit longer from eating chicken chop with tomato rice.
The hard feelings in my head really still exist, I hope it finishes off then today I smoke only 5 cigarettes, yesterday 3, means I will become 3 again or 4, then 4, then 2 sticks per day maybe, I'm really ending smoking really soon, I'm so happy about it.
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