Voices decreased

It feels like the voices have decreased, it's maybe due to drinking a lot more plain water than sugary water, I feel like my body can relax more and feel like closing my eyes alot more ever since I bought the Zero Kalori Flavour Syrup. Today I feel like spending on chicken chop tomato rice but I am thinking what Sakinah eats so nevermind I changed my mind. I hope the sleepiness comes back every afternoon that I can sleep at night too so I have a lot more rest rather than walking around too much.

Today I tried games like Juiced 2, it's quite boring feeling playing games due to anhedonia, I definitely need something to recover but only change of medicine will help me, I have 2 more months before it happen, it's March now, then April, then May(this is the month of change of medicine I think), it's really a long time and I've been with Jobclub since January, 3 months is a long time then they really making me do my life like this.

29th June, July, August, September, October, November, December, January, February, March - It's really been 9th month and 10th if June is not end June, I really will recover from schizophrenia? I remember the nicer feelings will happen when I start feeling sleepy in the day, this makes a better health to me if I can sleep, I'm really sleepy now I hope I fall asleep.

This is the strongest effort in my life, it's hard if don't take medications, I'm starting to feel the boredom that Hisyammuddin feels at that time at this phase of life, it really sucks, like why nobody cares in mind, I wonder why it's like this.

I think Redbullz is really good if the healthy feelings comes back again in the afternoon, I should feel rested a lot not too energetic, usually in the past I can sleep in day and night, then now it's hard.

I wonder why I feel like I ever gotten a lot of money before then suddenly my mother took them all away, I really should have a lot of money still and not like this, I think this is enough for now like this. Wonder if I really becoming a working man instead of resting and focusing on medication, it's really hard to need to become independent and earn myself so I can get away from everybody, if I really become a successful man faster I definitely will plan of not visiting my parents anymore due to no support since N.S days, like living on my own, like just leaving them forever because they not caring my life, it's bad to keep thinking about money but they created me this way.

I think when I'm healthier I would be able to play console games more and focus on feeling the fun, anhedonia really ruined my life, I remember I would still be fine but then schizophrenia made me worse that it became many stupid stories that I became like delusional and thinking someone would help me by the durations of days I eat medicine, it's close to 1 year and still no help, I really survive from my brother alone.

I'm happy tomorrow is working day, then I have another 3 days of rest, then Monday again, by the time it's already reaching Injection week the next week and I'm getting closer to losing my anhedonia feelings. I feel like a handicap and people don't stuff me with pleasures, I feel too sleepy to think about suicide, it's like yesterday night I wrote nonsense because I was sleepy I think.