I really feel bored like the repeats like happened before last year, then I have to go through life the same thing again but not knowing if it's scripted or not by my family and even workplace as the same conversations, I don't know if they are scripted by doctor. I'm really bored I want life to be happier, there definitely is a way to feel happier in life, maybe just working hard as it's the only way to do it in life, it's really surprising i am really someone that's going to do dishwashing for full month except off day? Doctor didn't tell me what will keep me energize or I just loss memory after doctor told me? I hope doctor talk to me again but it just had to be like this like I have to keep thinking and the memories only comes back later.
11 May I will feel the anhedonia going away due to change of medicine I think, I'm really happy about it that I will start feeling better in life, maybe I think it's the start of getting a better sleep too, I have to bear with this kind of normal sleep first, I really enjoy the morning wake up for work later in the mid afternoon. 5 days a week my life going to be like Sakinah's always thinking of work, without any idea why she got no problems in life, maybe it's all been settled by me from having doctors in her life that's my adopted fathers, they are truly sincere in helping it looks like that when they appear in my life even in public places. Sakinah is the one that get to enjoy their presence while I am like long holiday from their stories that I enjoy, about future, because they are psychics. Sakinah is so lucky to have someone like me loving her but she didn't even feel it, theyre really special doctors, even if have blocked my jobclub money. I hope they become something else like stop blocking my jobclub money as ive earned for it by doing jobs.
Life is heavy to understand it as something like a football training a lot of sweat, this job is only 6 hours long, I really must become like a Man. The workers at my place are fitness like PES A/B but I'm PES E9L9, the lowest health, I wonder if they are actually more energetic in working, I feel bad if I don't keep up the same standard of working like them, I really need to work hard because of the money as something big as fact. I watch videos that girls expect men to earn $3k-$6k I wonder why it's so high, I just need to do well in this and I can become rich enough I think, I somehow don't feel good about the salary like moving into I.M.H first before sending to me and doctor can stop my salary from coming in again, it's done many times maybe secretly while I loss my memory multiple times, then they kept doing such thing instead of just giving me my money.
I work at the same location before and didn't get my salary but they keep sending me here but whatever it is it's still my favourite job feeling ever. It's really something that I enjoy doing and hope I will last long doing it. Only the supervisor speaks clearly to me while the rest are quite hard to hear their talks, I just have to try my best in understanding them.
It's just weird the anger of not getting money like subside, but I really still feel angry about it and worried in my mind, Abit stress still exist around and I just feeling cross heart about getting it if I just keep working anyway. Means it's like blindly working thinking if will get salary or not. They're not helpful that I can't estimate myself having money, I have to count like I have no money instead. It's harsh their treatment something I think should sue because it's hard earned money then they decide it like that.
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