Day 240 outside ward(288 on medications)

I'm still on medications daily as usual, I hope to recover this year, everything is smooth until I work at CleanMark Solutions, I missed PH because I forgot I need to go work somehow it's a level of memory-loss, then yesterday I missed work again, means I missed 2 days of work.

I assume doctor just made up a story of me becoming somebody in future and then told me I would become a nice status in future, like story of Popeyes in the end I didn't work there at all. Story of Ustaz Harun and Doctor working at CleanMark Solutions as undercover could be maybe voices of Alysha that I dream of them(their face) talking to me instead, I really think I have decided to quit working there because of the unnecessary panic caused by the misunderstanding of jobs, my brother really pushed me to quit because I didn't get my salary and told me to get a job by myself, I really hope I can get a job by myself but doctor keep blocking the job opportunities anyway, it made me feel like working here again right now, it feels so bad why is doctor stretching out to block income from happening to me? I would have no work all the time. I've really worked for some days then now I worry about the jobs not able to do them, its total of 6 days cant be that they will keep my salary away too? It's so hard if have penalty to quit like $500 then I can't quit too, I really need to keep working despite feeling this way about my working life.

It probably had ruined me how doctor made me think I will become psychiatrist/psychologist like too ambitious then I don't zikir I can't become a Wali Allah too, maybe doctor lied to match voices in my head, I really give up and think I should quit working, I don't know why it's a bad feeling working there, but it could be symptom of smoking causing my heart to be ill, it's really bad I can't do anything about feeling bad. I really feel like I should focus on medicine and stop working but at the same time I'm worried of the penalty and losing a highly paid salary job. 1 doctor said I will work maximum but I wonder why it became like this, it's really crazy the believing soul is me but they just jumble up stories to occur to my life by my own effort instead of normal strength daily. It's really unfair how my life experience is missing a lot of money from my life due to doctor's ruling. I wonder what I should do as enemy of doctor, I didn't masturbate but I feel I should be enemy of doctor from imagining as enough to become enemies, I am just a patient to him anyway, this is harsh the reality of quitting job and having $500 penalty as imagination of losing my hard work money at there, it's really bad and they really just making me work something that I loss memory about and became working at the same location again.