I remembered that Ustaz Harun felt like working here but is it as an undercover or something? It's quite chaotic the information, maybe doctor is right have Mastermind so they know around somehow and want to undercover. It's really a good salary too anyway, it kinda energized me to continue working here and not give up, I only need 1 month "to be a psychiatrist/psychologist" then I don't know how long it will be that I will become one, is it a stress creation this job days changes, it like happened before last year too, I'm really stress of the repetition of the pain in my heart and mind, it's a fear feeling that brings a heat up into my heart, it's weird doctor really don't consider schizophrenia as something physical? I think physical medicine is required like until level of painkillers like tramadol. Why do I feel pain in my heart because of short panic feelings?
I think world war is so close I hope the war doesn't end, I need the world war so that I can meet my soulmate often, like have a reason to meet her and talk to her, the key to my recovery also didn't appear like Shahridah and Wahdiah, my lovesickness changes to mumbling their names instead and they are a cure to my heart but they don't seem to want to do it, it's been so many years, I'm just left alone thinking if they will become Jew or Christian somehow when they have schizophrenia, what's the reality, will I marry them like story of doctor?
I give up on doctor's plan to stuck my money for few years and decided to become enemy of doctor and I think to just imagine making love with his soulmate, he told me his soulmate before so I think money is more important than the point that doctor knew me since baby days, I really don't care anyway, as adopted child of theirs, they don't give me money anyway, I don't see what's the point of adopting me when they actually don't care.
Doctor looks like 30+ 40+ even if maybe 50+-60+ years old, they don't care about me like I understand "a psychic will know", they just don't know and decide stuff like this to happen to me. I gave up imagining that I'm adopted son of rich people that I will become rich too 1 day, even working in their business if they have any, then actually I'm just a sick person that they pity so they adopted me since baby days.
Since they're not giving me money, and I will work dishwasher, "with a mastermind" at workplace that I don't know who because they are not telling, I wonder what dangers I'm in if they really want to appear and help and undercover as a worker. It just means the salary is good is why they plan to work here as something okay even if it just means helping me something. I remember the mastermind is about meth from doctor then I don't know the entire story, it just means someone will offer me meth 1 day maybe? Because the workplace is a lot of water so won't really perspire from meth but feel cold from the big fan? It's weird I really want to know details but I'm not on such mission to know, maybe it's their jobscope mission from the government.
It's really such an unhappy wait today, the hours pass by quite long too and it feels short then it's like wasted I didn't do it, but no doctors called me to comfort me that it's okay, they let me be receiving panic from the misunderstanding of off days, that it's not confirmed as fact. It's weird doctors have the heart to let me experience such short panic, it's really sad even if they are psychic they let me experience this kind of life instead of saving me from a tarnished name as a bad worker. I don't want to miss work to gain my money, last year and last 2 years i think I ever worked here before, it's just bad none of them are helping me get my money, even my parents didn't call doctor for my money. They in fact maybe hid doctor's number so I can't ask any question and just live life like this. In a strict ruling, hoping chaos happens, then to meet Sakinah and try to marry her with a rescue level of support and help from myself. A physical strength of a man I imagine is needed during this world war.
The way Singapore government handles this war is very serious as CDC voucher brought forward to June and money increased to $600, I'm so energized about this war and see it like a chance to meet Sakinah often, even a Soldier job in my imagination, there's now Satellite in Singapore like NASA, I really want to work there I ever told doctor I'm a hacker and want to work in the technology, I realized my skill is only hacking and I lack alot of computer knowledge, so I don't know if I can get such jobs too, I really need to learn first. I have many years to go, to imagine being 10th President of MUIS too by doctor's story, even the 10th Wali Songo, but like story of Popeyes that I didn't work at, why doctor created such story into my senses? It's in my memory like a deep impact about something to believe about doctor then it become wasted, I don't really have anything to really believe doctor but theory my phone number is saved by the government to be used by me.
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