Day 245 out of ward(293 on medications)

It's almost 1 year I've been on medication, the memories like not really coming back, the energy to journal can really die off due to anhedonia, I really don't know what to do, the energy for a recovery was so high at first to reach 38 years old, now I don't feel so energetic anymore, maybe it's anhedonia winning my feelings, it's really sad it's this way, I really can't do anything about it.

My smoking became very little daily it's only a matter of time that I quit smoking, the energy to blog is dying away despite so many days blogging, my only way to reach Sakinah then I'm becoming loss of energy, I don't know what she spoke to my doctors during their attendance to support her life but it's been over 10 years it means doctors didn't really try to get her for me as it's been so many years, they probably have a timing they feel is right to then try get her for me, it's really sad but it's true it's like a limited attempt of getting her, instead of urging her to contact me maybe they just push that topic far away from conversation. I really have no one helping me due to this kind of barrier, it feels like if Sakinah is alone is better to feel pain and without help of doctors then she can start to think how my ideas to support her is better for her life.