Going to Work

No doctor called me to tell my future, I'm Abit sad of not knowing my future, how come its like not tally of working full month like doctor ever said, it's only 6 hours of work I really must go to work, only wish for clean shoes kind of choice but I can't do anything about it, shoes can be cleaned anyway, maybe doctor is the one that created me to feel difficult sometimes knowing what I want then made a script of something else, but the worker looks like assigned to work like that anyway, means it's like taking turns "collecting utensils" then "putting utensils into dishwasher" then another one is "packing utensils", there's only 3 section of the job, I definitely must work well here, I really must not give up, a girl/lady/woman can work but shes maybe PES A/B anyway while I'm PES E9L9, I wonder if they know about my fitness as the lowest but I can do 5 push-ups daily only, ever since I grown 20kg more than usual weight(50kg). It's really something I must do to earn money, working here makes no feeling of smoking too weirdly, I think it makes that push-ups maybe makes people not wanting to smoke anymore. The handwork makes loss appetite to smoke.

Sakinah don't pity me at all weirdly I have to manage life myself or she's putting herself in difficulty on purpose just to have no money like me, why is it like that we have to feel so troubled about money? I think my only strength needed is to have a girlfriend, then I can at least complain my feelings then don't know if psychic actually support my feelings, just having to understand work as something necessary to perform and I think the easiest part is happening today, which is packing utensils, I will learn to pack utensils today I think. My memory of last year is like that, if I have worked here multiple times then salary on hold by I.M.H previous years because of smoking, I hope this time they dont hold it anymore.

It's like a scary countdown like I have a phobia of pain or tough work, or imagination of heartache during work, it's really crazy but I am just creating myself focused on working.