Got my box and "8 Surah Pilihan"

Finally I get what I wanted, I've been wanting to buy Yassin since secondary days that have Rumi, due to friend saying it can give supernatural powers, I really want such thing. I saw the latest video of Ustaz Harun that the class reads Ayatul Kursi, means Ustaz believe in powers from reading the surah? It's weird for me but I try to believe anyway, I really don't want my heart to not believe anymore, having Yassin makes me happy how I will be reciting it every morning so I hope my wish terkabul somehow, I read that one way is to read Yassin 41 times in a day untuk hajat besar, then it definitely means I will think of Sakinah, I really will end up 41 days instead? I really don't know, she's the first in my mind, not becoming rich or whatever, it's really heavy I don't understand why she let me feel heavy and risk not having my/her number only because doctors around to talk to her, it's sad I really felt I won't get her number then I really did not, don't know why she do this even if we didn't communicate for so many years, we never talk before as fact just Malay dance and that's all.

It's going to be May soon, I really worried if I will complete this job properly, I really want to work hard and earn money, it's going to be world war 3 anyway, then everyone keeps their money with a good reason of war anyway, I'm so bored it's like a crazy feeling of stress in my head like vision appearance like hazy when I don't smoke, I became mentally unstable but it's the symptom that will last for some time, I really don't know if I can survive, I really smoke so little daily nowadays, it's really harsh but my life is really like that, I remember like doctor or Wali Allah saying that smoking will become makruh again 1 day, then it's no longer Haram 1 day, it's harsh even if not the point it promoted like I should be continued to be let be smoking, the peace really increased when I smoke when the hazy feelings come, it's really hard feeling it like this, I really want to quit smoking for so long already. I failed so many times.

Hmm, I don't know how reading a surah then I can get the girl I want, but she seems really want me to do it because I believe doctor told her what I plan, then she really let me be, I think she don't care as fact, it's weird it can't be like a parents' love kind of no-care, she really mean it kind of thing. I'm sad like crazy but she don't comfort me anything at all. It's 40 years old that I'm reaching but she's like this to me, it's hard and heavy but she really did it to me instead of giving me lightness like giving me her number. It's common sense I will tell her I love her because "she's attached", that's the only thing, she don't believe me or what? It's weird people got attracted by features definitely like what else, then I can remember her so hard then she's like this to me, doctor is "sufficient" to keep in touch, even if I get to know her first, her communication with doctor is more than me I think? I really don't know but she don't give me a nicer feeling like a rock or stone, it's really sad my love wasted just like that.