I remember like I ever experience this life, I sold all my books and bag in bus for $10, I think, it's harsh the feeling like shame of becoming a nicer man at that time, I really have interest so I think I'm fine like this, I hope I survive a long time with this book, it's like story of my neighbour that I will learn Iqro' but then he said "soldier/askar" as my job then it means this year or next year I will become a soldier? Wow my dream is really coming true? I will work as guards then back home I learn Iqro' by myself then he appear to test me on Arabic language, something like that is the story of my neighbour, a Wali Allah.
I hope it's not creation of Alysha because I usually get mixed up like that. I need to keep taking medicine so my mind is stable and doctor ever said I will show this book to my future children, I am hoping it happens, my 1st Sister became able to read Al-Quran just from starting with reading on Facebook videos, so I think I will be able to do this too hopefully. It's really heavy there's jointed Arab text as examples then maybe I will learn to read it much faster this way due to the examples given, I'm happy the book have such thing that I don't know about.
I'm listening to "Dari Bawah" on repeat, believing doctor at O level I will listen to this song again, I wonder when I will stop and listen to other songs. I still have no one guiding me and still feel sad that Alysha ever pretended as Ustaz Harun speaking to me, the confusion is maybe from the dream like I can vision Ustaz Harun's face like talking to me instead of Alysha, because she pretended as other people many times. I'm so unlucky how I write about pondan etc. that they are "Lineage of Rasullullah s.a.w" because of the voices I hear, I then understand schizophrenia can become to believe even after being alone and hearing back the voices somehow, bad experience makes remembrance of voices and hearing them back, listening to music hopefully it calms me down from her voice, then even if motivated to work, I hope its not "semangat 2 minit", I really want to work hard and not quit my job but story of $200+ 6 days work like winning my body and I wonder if its doctor or Alysha saying such thing, it's really sad I can know but Alysha disallowed me knowing by lying and pretending as someone else, don't know why she interrupt nice information from doctor, I think she's really aggressive kind of schizophrenia that attacks people randomly then forget, I hope she attacks people in her university and get caught as schizophrenic, it's weird she can still learn in school and achieving a nice status despite being this type of criminal in my view, it's too bad like she don't feel sensitive like how I have tattoos, she don't feel bad at all.
I'm happy how my post received 25 viewers, i kept imagining adsense but then I didn't get accepted to advertise on my blog, if not people can just click links around then I earn money. If all my family and family angkat shares a blog to write on we would have so many people that knows us as combination then we can earn from adsense, can use money for Kurban or paying domain, it's just nice to feel life like this, I wonder when such thing will/can happen in my life, I daily write my own stories and having no real attention that feels caring maybe because the readers are men I imagine, then if girls maybe my cousins then haha, I really don't know maybe they don't care about me too, but there's just a feeling like the attentions are real and fake at the same time, due to ever 1 or 2 viewers only. It's weird.
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