Heal from video

A video I took made me hear voices like voices of girl, then it's 402 viewers, it's the most viewers of all videos I took, it made me recover that I was hearing voices on Shahridah's phonecall then in video I was alone then her voice exist again it's weird my memory like that, I think I'm recovering and knowing she was alone at that time and not with someone else, hearing voices really painful but I experience hearing voices and video evidence that I myself was alone at that time, so it's impossible that Shahridah was cheating on me, I hate the voices exist into my life, the plot of Alysha was successful in creating anhedonia to me then the rest continued from my schizophrenia, it's really bad I took medicines daily but the voices still exist, it's like a freaky ghost story supposedly but it's in the afternoon so I can't really do anything about it, as knowing I was alone then I know everything was just a lie of Alysha that schizophrenia promoted me to continue feeling her lies as true. It's sad how I experience schizophrenia and loss Shahridah from my life then she didn't turn back and come into my life to save me from schizophrenia, she really live her life becoming a teacher at primary school and left me all alone.

The experience from hearing voices(schizophrenia) really ruined my feelings in life, anhedonia was created to feel loss of pleasure multiple times then catatonic maybe the heartache that I get most of the time from hearing voices, it's been so many years yet I remember fresh in my mind because of medicine and because I feel 21 years like within 1 year of my life only, I really hope I don't miss life too much, as Dina have grown up to be 19 years old then she was 3 years old, means it's been 16 years as fact that I loss Shahridah, it's weird she didn't miss me at all could be a lie then what makes her contact other fat man example maybe it's her relative? It's weird I hope she's loyal and come back to me somehow, I really became a difficult person then if any of the girls came back they have to support me instead, I feel bad that schizophrenia made me hard to work properly in life and can't be a stable person. It's really sad how my life became from schizophrenia, nobody helps me to understand my sickness from schizophrenia instead of giving me treatment like it's my attitude problem, they're really not nice to me somehow and promoted the continuation of feelings to smoke(due to anger) and skip medications, I really hope everyone became nicer to me understanding me as having schizophrenia instead of my attitude problem, it's a continuous anhedonic feelings of many matters that I suddenly will regret "after wanting to do it or have it", it's really bad but they treat me like I have attitude problem in the past.

Now is the best time for Shahridah to refresh my memory but shes not around or don't appear in my life, I feel bad how I thought bad things really happened and Alysha promoted the support to hide such cheating occurrences instead, means story of Alysha promoted the cheating to believed as Alysha's story was my mindset at that time, I really loss my life pleasures and experiences but the girls are living their life without me. I don't know why no Muslim teachers thats level like psychic or Wali Allah(known as someone "who knows") helps me talk to Shahridah and Wahdiah, including Sakinah. But then there exist story of an Ustaz that steals money, but then I would want Ustaz Harun to help me instead because of trusting him, it's really bad my life I can't communicate or tell the girls anything except wish they have an idea of what I was feeling and thinking at that time to not be angry at me. They will experience schizophrenia themselves too then they will realize I didn't lie about hearing voices, I think then they will forgive me, but I don't know how many years it will be for them to experience schizophrenia then understanding me, it's really a long time for them to believe me in a deeper understanding of the feelings, schizophrenia really makes hearing voices that aren't around and it's really sad life is like that.