I don't matter anything

I don't feel special, I mean nothing to the girls that left me when I loss my memory, they didn't really attempt to make me remember everything but only 1 try from Wahdiah, it's so late but she really tried only once, I'm sad at the girls' efforts, it's like a marriage kind of love but the tries are so little or few, they should make me remember not make me think that they think I am pretending to forget, I definitely forgot if not I don't lose my memory and leave them, it's stupid they're suddenly gone from my life for real then it's lasting until now I'm turning 38 years old, it's really sad I have nobody to love me, my life is so meaningless, tomorrow I have 2 sticks left then I feel like quitting again, I really don't know what will happen to me, it's really sad my life is like the saddest story in the world but nobody really knows because I can only express so much in blog not every feeling that I feel maybe psychic don't really know at all, they really let me feel the burning pain for so many years of my life, they don't really care, maybe when they adopted me I was a cute baby then when I've grown they don't care anymore.

I feel like earning a lot of money myself and survive then fuck prostitutes until pregnant, to ruin my family tree if nobody cares to get Sakinah for me, it's a waste of time like every minute matters but they just living their life like I don't fall in love yet, none even tried for Shahridah and Wahdiah like they rather I get a useless life of loneliness, their care is stupid I don't understand at all. Then I'm left to be the one trying to be smarter in the world, I'm the only 100% subject scorer in family I think, I really don't know about my 2nd sister but she's express stream anyway that takes O level twice, I'm definitely the smartest in family but lowest qualification and success, then if compared to my relative I am still nothing no matter how successful I have ever achieved in life if not they would feel so happy for me and celebrate with me but none did anything they left my life living on my own.

I'm sad of my own life they didn't anticipate I would feel rage and loss memory or feel heat burning me, they just remain not being nice to me like I have an attitude problem, they really don't care about me.

Listening to Sakinah's mix like an angry feeling anyway, but I heard about "you are my Sunshine my only Sunshine" it reminds me of her in M.R.T I told her that's my most fastest expression if a song to express my love to her as want her the fastest, I think I'm getting her when she's closed her clothes everything when she opens herself during sports in school and younger too, she really didn't give me herself and I feel boring and sad, I'm so angry nothing works, I'm left growing old like I will never die.