Remembering days

That is quite recent moment, I bought redbullz thinking I would quit buying Redbull but I did not, it is however good that it gives me a heavy sleep then maybe it's good every late afternoon.

I'm still not sure who reads me there's total of 22 viewers my last post, not sure if any of my friend read me but don't know why they let me go through this recovery by myself, no one accompanied me anything it's almost 1 year already.

I wonder when I will open the forumco, it's to create friends and family+adopted family to post updates of life then doctors didn't update me on how to do it, it's really boring having no communication with anyone else only Family Whatsapp group that is usually preach videos from my mother, I'm so bored life is like this, I wonder how next year will be fun for me but I hope it will be lightweight year in my life, I still have PSEA to use then maybe to just use that to apply for O level, I really hope I will be fine, there's no energetic encouragement like how Aqmar my nephew will get, they however scoring high in school like bursaries means high scorers I think.

I feel like my life meant to be quiet growth or silent growth on my own, be it about quitting cigarette or not, people just don't like me to be happier in life, I don't know why it's like that, I don't have the powerful feeling about life but I truly have a goal what kind of life I want, it's supposedly 30 years old then I guess such life is only around 50 or 60 years old, I'm meant to get Sakinah's old body if I get her as she made me this way, to wait so long instead of giving herself to me, but I still love her anyway, a virgin made to not appear as a virgin because of monkeyface have ruined her profile views or status like understanding experiences, it's really sad she ruined herself just like that, 1 day is so special for the soulmate but she gave herself away to other man, it's weird decision and stupid like a true fool but then I love her I can't do anything about loving a fool. I hope I recover from this sickness maybe causing me to love a fool, I'm sad like crazy, even her playlist song have about "fuck half past 5", it's really sad to imagine her sex is alot of anger but she really wanting me to loss memory I assume, it's bad when I remembered about her then I restarted to use Spotify and see it again I thought it's my first time again, then she don't accompany me daily like a story time of each day but I have to be independent like marrying an old woman that will die first and can't take care of me so it's a test of independent strength, it's really sad I'm turning 38 and she's already 37, then the life didn't change and I am like a sucker. It's like sucking my own thumb for her love, she's stupid as hell when she did that, but I love a stupid fool, it's quite crazy sickness I hope I recover from this lovesickness like a reality strike back like she suddenly have own children or happily married, her profile photo didn't express her as married or couple it means she's not too anyway? Everyone wants to be the Facebook photo of lover or soulmate or spouse, then the monkeyface didn't get that but this kind of unknown treatment to me too, it's too sad and pathetic my tries, I should focus on school next year and forget about her.