I want good feelings

It's like a scary feeling it's maybe due to short of cigarette, the side effect is like that if shortage of cigarette our heart becomes in fear for a long time, it lasts for 20 days only I think then the fear feelings will be gone, it's really something that I feel due to like smoking nothing nowadays, I inhale the q.s inhaler too to survive the crave of cigarette. I have about 2 hours left until going to I.M.H for injection and listen to the talk(debrief) by O.T, it's going to be a boring feeling after injection because they definitely angry I just quit my job, but backpain then I can't do anything about it.

Right now due to discovering Spotify, I feel like buying an earphone for myself to listen to music, it's about life anyway, the feelings I lost during my schizophrenic years, even using the Android phone late after it exist, it really sucks how I'm just a normal phone user.

I don't know when I will have life like going out to places but it feels like not this 2 years at all, I really waiting for cash in August and wondering if I will work from May to August, will I get a job or just be at home doing nothing?

It's really a sad feeling but maybe due to medicine finishing inside body that I feel weak or not energized about the talk with O.T later, I don't know how long it will take, will they make me work again or not such thing too, it's really crazy the uneasiness I hope it finishes quickly and not a long lecture for quitting job, if I can't work I can't do anything about it anyway, it's really bad that I got penalty for like 3 or 4 times working at the same location that I failed, then they send me to the same working place again, it's like creating free work manpower from their company because I get penalized anyway, don't know why they stupidly place me in the same location I have failed multiple times. It's really sad the mind intelligence like not really smart to estimate that I will fail again and lose my money again.