Is it time?

To stop counting the days I on medications and out of ward? Then just live normally? Because nobody as the same excitement as me like finishing the number of painful days as something successful in life. It's a hike feelings daily like there's an extra weight moving about inside my soul, the anger all mixed up with all other emotions like sadness due to recovering late and forgetting my experiences then I do it again, it's so much anger that I did this all over again, I didn't expect them to give me the same job location somewhere I have given up before and loss my money, then I'm continuing at the same location then have nobody to discuss about this too, it's so bad I feel it's like evil in disguise as helping because I maybe become a used person if I quit again, it's really crazy and heartless to let me experience this over and over again. I'm sad how I didn't get a better job but felt like my first time working here when I've worked here before, it's really bad it happened again, today I'm just going to work as usual and wish my money didnt mess up so I can continue working here, it's really a collected type of anger in my heart, like having other attackers other than Alysha, it's really bad and heavy but I really want to work here anyway, my first day here I wanted to do over time then it didn't happen so it's okay then I guess, I really want to work at this place.

It's sad its now 10.30a.m I have 2 hours left to go to work then I haven't recover from the feelings of boredom or something repetitively happening to me like a force to keep me working here, I don't know why they're doing this to me, I really should heed my brother and get other jobs instead, this is really too crazy because something I've done before and loss my money before, something I've ever failed before but I am made to do it again, it's weird just believing doctor with medicine I can do the work, I really hope hes right, I'm so unhappy and happy at the same time, I just need the energy to keep working here, I have nobody to push me to keep working hard like world war money in mind, people are just like dead already in my life, it's been so many years and nobody came back to save my life.