It feels too fast

The journal being in my room now feels like a loss memory will happen too, like I don't feel it's been 1 day at all, I like forgot about yesterday and living my life, if it's anti psychotics medicine, am I actually a psycho? It's bad I want to be energized on living my life but I just have to wait until August for the continuation of living life, then I have no idea if I will be warded in June, usually it's 29th June, it's really heavy my life like this, then they didn't promote to care my life something like enjoying myself daily didn't happen but I'm just surviving with a tough feeling in my heart, I feel like I am sometimes insane, the dreams I can't remember anymore but my head is about to feel nicer due to short of cigarette per day, I only roll tobaccos so it's nothing much kind of smoking, then every Sunday the mart is closed I really have no plans to do, I really hope the end of pain really happens and I see July outside ward, it will be my first time but it seems like I'm going to ward, the weight is real, then its 11 more days until May, I hope it keeps going on faster but I hope I don't become a crazy man, maybe it's a rush of alot of memories but I'm just made to take medicine daily, schizophrenia ruined my love story and information about me like someone crazy and always memory loss, macam orang gila tak sedar diri is supposedly to be my diagnosis but it's schizophrenia instead. I don't know why I grow up to become a crazy man, it's really sad my time of schizophrenia keeps coming back then I really don't know where I'm heading in June, will I be successful and it's going to be my first time outside ward? I really don't know, it's just an angry feeling if I don't succeed in remaining out of ward, I really want a change of lifestyle and not becoming a mentally sick person, the only road I have is really to learn psychology only? It's really a tough journey then, I only have about 3 or 4 years to become learning psychology, 1 year for O, 1 year for A, then Psychology, wow people really making me do this instead of just helping me get a life?

I don't know why the feeling is like this but I suspect it's because medicine is finishing inside body, tomorrow is the "topup", and the last one hopefully, because in 3 weeks later I will have to see doctor, usually it's 4 weeks for injection, then it became faster maybe it's a change of medicine, finally I will feel something different in life? Wow.