Feelings became like this, I smoke storm king for now, as I can't achieve a greater life I really feel disappointed with myself, it's like the N level I decided to give up and just only done what I have learnt, then no longer learn the rest, it's really crazy, they shouldn't have brought me into I.M.H, I would've scored well for N level, nobody is siding me and letting me get a normal passing mark, it's scary how their treatment to me are not nice at all, I feel like it's an ambushed of alot of pain into my life and alot of difficulties inserted into my life, I've never seen someone so much more difficult than me other than African or Palestine, even they all get married and obtain a love story, their love life is definitely better than mine.
Just now saw Alysha at elevator so I skip the ride down and take another one because only have 1 elevator due to lift upgrade. In the end I didn't ask her for money too, it is bad how she just look at me like did nothing to my life and continued her life, it's like knowing an evil being that's let loose, my life is so unfair, the numbers or quantities of adopted family members are just displays that made me look like a nice person, they really don't care about me too how I have no money until this age as 1 example, tomorrow is another suffering because it's only May, I have 3 months to endure with $388+ bank and $15+ in wallet, I definitely think that I am deadmeat but I have to accept life for the first time that it's like this, I didn't receive jobclub money and I assume it's deducted at penalty when work as Dishwasher.
Previous post have 19 viewers then the previous one have 22 viewers, it's complicated what I think about who reads me but I don't know why people exist in a secret way. My mind are still not healthy yet, remembering the days inside ward where at this hour I would be sitting on bed waiting for time to go by then drinking plain water or outside watching birds, life is so boring they really like trap my life to feel a lot of sadness and pain, using "relationship as Haram" as their main point of not getting me the girl I want, I think to just consider the future of Wahdiah and Shahridah with me are gone and nothing more will happen between us, it's really just a sad love story successfully destroyed by Alysha, so many feelings gone from my life and it can't return nicely like I no longer have the energy to live life normally, the excitement is gone permanently because anhedonia pushes me to destroy the chances and ruin it before it can even happen again, dramatic they get nothing and satisfied Alysha for the destruction of ties between each other, my neighbours got married and have children even if schizophrenia, it's really bad my life, if they don't drama, Alysha would just be suffering already because of failure to break us apart.
I feel like destroying my blog.
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