Thinking about her, I wonder how many memory loss I encountered it's like been for over 20 years long but it's fine I guess, people made me happy to make me loss my memory and made me too angry to loss my memory too. It's really sad the decision of others are like that to me but they have a good reason I think, other than Abdillah Sarifudin about my psybnc/bot business in secondary days, to take all the profit money, it's weird to have a best friend like that suddenly not my best friend anymore after calling him Kafir(because of using my memory loss to take profit money). It was good that I attack my own server for customers to regain back their money.
My loneliness is real, I look at time it seems fast when I'm all alone, then when I'm at work it seems like slow instead, yesterday after working hard it's been only 30 mins at work, then it shocked me really bad, the last 5 mins was a lot of work too I kept putting the fork and spoon into basket and overshot my working hours, don't know why we humans feel like this instead of normal fast speed. At 3p.m like that I will start becoming thirsty and want to drink water, it's too soon but I hope I only feel thirsty around 4.30, then have 3 hours of work left. The time really flies making me want to work like now having 2hours+ left but it's like so fast suddenly it's going to be working hour.
I wish Sakinah supports me instead of me working because of schizophrenia, but luckily it's Iran USA-Israel war going on, making me think of world war 3 then need to have money, my family probably have more than enough money for the world war situation, but it's okay to have more, I really want to buy packs of t-shirts of many pieces, to wear with denim/jeans jacket and then to buy cargo knee pants too, to feel at home. The energy of world war really made me want to work a lot more. The sadness that I don't remember doctor's words, then the sadness that doctor don't remind me his words also exist, I truly don't want to be kicked out of job and will continue working, if I work at mental hospital, psychic doctors know my feelings but here at CleanMark Solutions, I wonder what the supervisor or boss thinks of me, I'm like a bad person just my 3rd day of work during PH then I didn't attend it. It's really a sad life I don't know if it's from cigarette that makes foul mood, I think it creates lightness to our mood instead, I'm worried like crazy that I became bad feelings for work, because of Alysha, I don't know how to revenge unless I become a crazy person, so I just write stuff with her name for her to remember her attacks to me as she memory loss every attack.
Don't know why Sakinah make me work, I really don't understand, my parents should support me like $200/mth then they don't do it too, my try to get a lot of money monthly in secondary school didn't work out when my best friend theft my profit money suddenly the ruling became $4/day again. It's harsh my father known as earning a lot but the money is very little, working a sea job known as rich but I'm a difficult life person due to their treatment like schizophrenia is nothing "after eating medicine". I really don't know what to do for them to make me feel lighter. I hear Batam trip became $80+ then they still don't give me money if I don't go to Batam with them, it's heavy weight, I don't understand why people want me to become their son(adopted), then if they want me to become their son why they don't give me money to support my life? It's weird, I really think they should be nicer and support me by money.
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