Time is really moving.

No doctor call me to tell me I will keep working to comfort me about my strength at workplace, it's weird last year like someone call me I think, a doctor. I really don't think I want to quit, the energy to work is still around, to understand it as saving money for world war makes me more energetic I need more energy like information of doctors but I don't get it. It's harsh I just have to believe and go through this phase of life remembering Hisyammuddin was in a good days of work at that time, I'm so unlucky I miss 1 day all thanks to sentences of Alysha, people say don't think of the past then I got reminded inside like a hearback of voices. I really think I will continue working, later around 3 hours to go it's time to go work, time is moving but I'm clueless about my future. I only feel like doctor will help me get my money by May.

It's bad they didn't give me jobclub money last year, then this year too, I have to endure this life, they rather I suffer than I smoke a cigarette that even soldiers smoke, or even rich people smoke cigarette, but I don't care now, it's my last 2 sticks today then it's the end, I really can't do anything about doctor's decision, money is in his control, making my enemies happier as he blocked it, but I don't know if my enemies read, it's really unfair my life, if job support from doctor it means I can't smoke, then agents may be contacted by doctor not to give me a job too, it's really crazy the weight of being far from our calculation of capability in life, suddenly will be spending only on drinks then that's it.

I don't know why their heart is like that, at that time I ate k.f.c from outside dustbin because of schizophrenia I thought someone pitied me and gave me, it's harsh like crazy I ate at home and enjoyed the 2 piece chicken meal. Why did I become someone like this even if I have so many adopted parents, why they are strict about money? I know 1 situation like mine is the girl want to take his money so not given money like me, then what's the reason for me? I won't get a girl at all it seems because of having no money. They let Sakinah feel I'm poor person and no girls willing to suffer with me, they don't gift me from their hard work earned money, they just know by doctors and I live in pain. It's crazy I can't cope like this.

After this last 2 sticks I have to wait until May for my salary, then I hope it comes in faster like every 2 weeks, it's really hard I am just saving up for world war I guess. I thought doctor said I will earn and buy myself a patchwork long sleeve, then no one stabilize me that I will have the strength to work. 2nd day of the week, then 3 more to go, I definitely can do it if a girl/lady/woman can work there, it means I can too, but then my PES is too low I hope psychic really tell what I feel about my situation then the workers may still act like don't know I have schizophrenia continuing from the treatment like at home, I'm not treated differently despite schizophrenia, like no special pleasure, it's all the same, it's weird the care is like this.