The memories are slow but it came back so I'm happy, so I just hope it's not like story of dishwasher job I thought I would work until December, but a real thing that I would work daily, it'll be so close to Sakinah I definitely will feel like I will heal up from the distance between me and her naturally like a soulmate's love/cure, maybe she worry that I don't heal up when I see her anymore, then I would feel different but the point is I love her anyway and she don't know the happiness is like a cure to me, people say that happiness is health, so she definitely can do something to my health which is make it better just by her presence, I wish to see her again but I can't do anything about it.
My entire life always thinking of her then those that split-up with me didn't come back I really have no girls that will be my strength of health in life, they're just letting me experience this like a show for God to see, like God always does and not help us, i wonder why schizophrenic are always angry at God maybe for not giving us what we want? He created Angels meant to feel the Heaven but Humans have Hell to think about. It's unfair I think Angels don't have to feel the pain of hell but human maybe will? Why is it like that? With all the prayers we get from all over the world that prays "forgive all humans", why do we have to Solat such thing then? It's really weird, there's billions of people in the world then each will pray good for all many times then actually their wish are not granted like my life is bad, even if stranger pray for me it's not granted, I wonder what I should do, I really hope I am strong for this job in future, I really must last 4 hours daily or it's a waste, the point is it's only short hours, I must really hang on to this job. Furthermore next year maybe O level I can't be a poor school kid it would be so sad someone my age then so poor, I really want to feel stronger in school like having money to buy food that I want.
I am living my life thinking if my Ex-Classmates read my life or not because in B.M.C I remembered that they want to read my blog and at 38 years old wanting to give me money due to pity that I loss so much experience and recovering at 38 years old only, I hope doctor is right then I hope the recovery happens secretly at 37 years old too, it's like 1 month+ left to be 38 years old, I really am waiting for the recovery and excited about my memory coming back at full blast, I hope it happens then the pain all ends permanently, I really want to be a much more stable person.
Will I have the chance to meet Sakinah when I work there? It's definitely close to her workplace then it's sad how I can't meet her, I really want her in my life until this date, it's so long many duration of years then she didn't let me have her at all, even her phone number so I can self-comfort, I can only tell that I love her because of wanting to get her so fast, I can't do anything else, it really sucks, the common sense is having the person I love at the quickest moment it can happen, then I don't know how to make her love me.
Later maybe my family bringing to eat at Mr Uncle Halal Restaurant, Dina is actually 19 year old and not 20, it's her birthday, so I feel that she's really quite young still, it's good and I hope her love story is everlasting like a fairy tale. I don't want my niece sad or feel used, I feel that the man she got is a good luck to our family, I hope she is forever happy, I've never seen her age from 4 years old, the memories like it's only been awhile and only 1 year passed within the 21 years, it's really crazy so long my memory loss, I really hope all the good memories dash into me before I'm 38 years old so that I will feel life as something good, I definitely will be a changed man by then, and hopefully I become a better man by my birthday, I got a feeling like I will take car license in June but I really don't know if it will happen, doctor must appear again to tell that it's okay to take car license already, I wonder when I will take motorcycle license maybe in June or July? Wow I really cant wait and excited for the life upgrade that I can't feel for so long due to schizophrenia.
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