Remember after buying

I ever bought the book before last year then it's happening again this year, I remembered only after paying for it, I remembered I resell it to my neighbour. Now I wonder if I will be warded again, but the reason was "not taking medication", then I wonder if they would schedule for me to enter ward anyway, it's really crazy so hard to pass this life, I only have 2 more months to see what happens to me. It's so long after calculating, it's like a new feeling right now.

I don't feel like I will get my money, it's just too bad for me that my life have to be like this, I think it's a corruption in secret, it's just my another bad luck after Alysha for so many years, I really was in true effort to continue my medicine, fixing my mind, exercising, and money didnt work, it's really bad, the idea of getting 3 fixes then doctor ruin my plan, it's just too much.

I wonder what will happen this month of April and May, I am excited for the end of injection coming soon, seeing doctor with new medicine will be something nice to feel 1 day, I feel like I will be warded in May for smoking but I really don't know what's going to happen, it just sucks life have to be this way, I am hoping for a recovery to happen to me but I really don't know, do the people at ward actually remembers me at all? It's really something unknown, I thought I will become an example to keep taking medicine and a kind of money will flow in after talking of eating medicine then its just quiet without any news.

It's heavy like the viewers became as low as 6, then only 9, then yesterday was 17 the most, I wonder what makes it that way, it was only writing about journal plan, I won't have a blog soon I guess, I really don't know what's going to happen to me i really need my money, then this ruling system is annoying, I don't know if I will become psychic or not even to know life of Sakinah, that's the entire point of becoming a psychic, she's the only reason, then remembering Wahdiah will get schizophrenia too, and Shahridah and Sakinah also, then they will understand the pain exist and should've just appeared in my life instead, I imagine revenge and not appearing in their life again because "it's mental sickness", then too bad nobody believe it's painful, I don't know why or when I will start writing journal, maybe at once when I got it? I really don't know, I will just see why I have to believe doctor anymore, it's my life changing moment and I don't believe it myself, it's weird they really not telling me my future at all.