I don't know when I will recover more memories, I hope it happens way more than just a bit each day, I really felt 21 years like only within 1 year everything that I remember, I need to remember more to become thinking it's been 21 years gone, I really hope I will be fine in life, there's no special care towards me but I think people worry of money wastage anyway, but that's only if what I think, what's really on their mind, why they dont mind I don't enjoy myself everyday?
If I look at Calendar, it feels like I will work entire May then June I will buy the $5K savings envelope and Mathematics books? Will it really happen? I remember doctor saying that I will Solat too, will it happen too? I really hope so. Like something to feel in life, but I worry that I will be sleepy everytime at work, I really don't know. Why I only remember 2 things, what else will happen? Can I really do this?
Nobody energizes me that I will work hard this year, they let me feel that so long number of years passed instead of it's been only 1 year since I last try for the job, it's the same thing happening again this year then I wonder why it's like that, do people plan nicely for me? Will doctors guide me about my plan to do O level? Why doctor say I will ask for help in my heart even at December 2026? It means I have no one to help me for so long? Why is it like that?
Previous post I have 13 viewers, I really wonder who they are, but I'm left clueless anyway, I really hope it's a nice attention and not robots that may visit pages/websites I think it's called as "crawlers" to visit links posted. It was quite immediate the number of people that visit once I publish at Facebook, I hope I have removed every nonsense on Facebook too, it takes a long time to delete, so many months. I hope people notice my recovery and talk to me, but why people like Shahridah never visit me anyway, I still have the belt that she gifted me, it's been so long then I still have it, I haven't gone out to enjoy myself ever since break up with her, it's been so long then the belt still looks new, wow. I hope I will use it well for my work tomorrow, I still have the black shoes that I bought for dishwashing but it's a kitchen/chef shoe anyway, should be fine to wear it for dish-collecting, I hope I will be peaceful at work and time moves smoothly, I check that the duration to reach Maxwell from Woodlands is 51mins, then now I really feel like reading Yassin while on the way there, I really want the ease and belief of others how reading Surah can become a supernatural force to occur in our life, I hope Ustaz explain to me 1 day why it is something we must believe, like Asma-ul-Husna, I tried to become rich from zikir but it didn't happen, I zikir "Ya Hayyu" 100K times then I'm still not cured, I wonder why its like that, when I have done too much then it became harder to believe and I'm sad if I became a bad Muslim, I really want comfort after doing so many of it.
It's weird how there's no rushy feelings that I'm not married when I'm getting close to 40 years old, people are all very calm and don't mind I become old, it makes me sad and feel nobody cared for me, it's not like a desperation but the care like don't exist or felt, people don't worry at all because it's not their life maybe? I really feel they should cheer me up and suggest things for me to do, they won't give me any money to spend too, as it will become money for girls instead, then it's better that I work already. How can they live their life when I'm reaching 40 years old in 2 years+, they seem happy and not worried I feel like life is unfair, nobody tried to make me happier, I just live life taking medicine and survival experiences.
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